Let's get REAL: A post on Adoption Language and People First Language too!

So this post has been been brewing in my head for quite some time. But a few experiences have recently brought this post to the forefront. It's something I just need to say, to get off of my chest. I extend alot of grace to those that are just fumbling around and trying and want the knowledge. I cringe thinking about what I may have said as I was seeking information. I'm thankful that the people I sought out for information, were kind with me and understood my heart. I love educating people about adoption (the process, the feelings, the various ways, etc.) and talking about adoption. I take issue with those that continue to use words to hurt after they've been given the information of how to be less hurtful.

I am Xander's REAL mother. I'm not fake or an imposter. I'm as real as they come, with strengths and weaknesses. And REAL feelings too! I am also his adoptive mother. He just calls me "My Mama.." I gladly answer to that too!

Likewise, Xander is my REAL son. He's not any less my son than Solomon. Xander and Solomon ARE my sons. One is biologically my son and one was adopted. My love for both of them is great. I've grown as a mother and as a person due to each of them being in my life. They both are *very* much wanted and loved. DNA doesn't dictate my love for my children.

My children are REAL siblings. Seriously folks-- you don't want the mama bear to come out. If you don't agree with our adoption, that is fine. But leave my children out of this. They ALL love each other-- no matter how they joined our family.

As far as Xander's birthmother, C (initial only to protect her privacy), she is exactly that: His birthmother or biological mom/mother. I will not allow ANYONE to disrespect her and call her an "egg donor," "incubator," "baby carrier." She has her own struggles (ahem.. who doesnt?) but I will NOT allow people in my life to disrespect her. We have a semi-open adoption (C's choice) and Xander may one day get to meet her. I will not rip his heart to shreds by allowing people to be disrespectful to the woman that chose LIFE for him..

She made an adoption plan. She didn't give him up or give him away. She terminated her parental rights. And she loves him. 'nuff said.

Furthermore, a little lesson on People First Language. My eyes were opened to this years ago by a very dear friend, who is a special education teacher. Yes, you may roll your eyes. Internally, I did too.. and slowly my eyes were opened and it's changed the way I speak.

It's:

A child with special needs-Not a special needs child. (See that? The child came first.)

A child with autism--Not an autistic child.

So following this logic.. It's a "baby with drug exposure." Not a "Drug baby."

Language hurts.. and you never know just who's baby you're talking about.

~Steph

Sickness and The Mouse

WOW! The month of October really got away from us.

It hasn't been a great month healthwise at the Bee House.

The last time I posted Xander was cutting teeth. This has been a continuous process. Those two are in and now he has more coming. He's had all the usual symptoms that accompany teeth: runny nose, fever, congestion, etc. It's getting old.. quickly!

Julianne has some mild coughing and congestion. I'm amazed at how mild this has been for her. She used to be my child that caught everything to an extreme-- especially if it was respiratory!

Lainey had a mild cough for a few days but quickly recovered. Once she got tubes as a baby for her multiple ear infections, her health really turned around and she has been very healthy since.

Julianne sneezed in Solomon's face as I was holding him. *sigh* It was one of those things I saw in slow motion but couldn't make stop! And now Solomon has a little cough. No fever, no congestion. Ahhhh.... the blessing of a breastfed baby! Solomon is also drooling pools worth of saliva requiring multiple shirt changes now as well. Guess what I found? Two little white knots on his lower gums. And he started chewing his hands like they were just the most delicious things ever!

Then, I came down with a headcold. Since I have no spleen, when I am hit with sickness I go down hard and fast! I went from sinus drainage down the back of my throat to barely being able to swallow and a fever in the matter of a couple hours. As the night wore on, I got worse and worse. Finally, the next day (on Sunday, doesn't it always happen that way?) I decided I needed to go to Patient First and found out I have a sinus infection. Unfortunately, I am prone to sinus infections but I'm thankful that I haven't been very sick like this since I had my tonsilectomy in 2008!

So, if you are still with me after that laundry list of ailments, BRANDON is the only one that has been well for the month of October.

He also celebrated his 29th birthday this month! We managed to celebrate his birthday in between illnesses. (I'm very mindful about exposing others to germs since I have no spleen!) We went to Maggiano's and had a yummy family style dinner and I stopped at Frostings, a gourmet cupcake shop, and picked up a half a dozen. Brandon had 2 red velvet cupcakes, one with buttercream frosting and one with cream cheese frosting and the kids and I had American cupcakes (vanilla) with chocolate frosting.

Solomon did not enjoy any cupcakes during this celebration. Poor fellow.

Brandon and I have also been planning for Christmas. This has involved code words and late night chats because the children do not have any idea that we are....







FLYING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!!!!

We did not take a family vacation this year other than a brief visit to Augusta in September so we are combining our vacation budget and our Christmas budget to make this possible. I'm so excited. I'm the only one in our family that has been to Disney before but there have been alot of changes since I went in highschool with our band. (What year was that? My freshman year? So Spring of '99? Erika, you'll have to be my fact checker!) For example, Animal Kingdom wasn't there when we went and many rides have been added. More importantly, I'm excited to see the reaction that the children and my husband have.

Brandon and I have talked about a Disney trip for years. It's been postponed due to pregnancy, school, careers, babies being too little, our adoption, etc. We finally just decided to go. Hopefully we can go back in a few years so the boys will remember a trip.

We've also been plugging in at church. We are still attending the *tiny* church and we are finding it more and more comfortable each Sunday. (We've also missed quite a bit due to sickness this fall.) Our Sunday School class has an email group so we've been in touch and we continue to get to know the other members. Our church also recently changed the schedule. Now it is Sunday School, a fellowship time and then worship. They usually serve snacks and juice during the fellowship time and people intermingle. I've met quite a few people this way and I've gotten the opportunity to get to know people more in depth this way. I have a feeling we'll be talking about joining the church soon. It's starting to feel like home.

I have a few other events to post about, but this is getting long and the tribe is getting restless.

The Teeth are Coming!

Most of my friends know this about me, but I'll share it here too.

I despise teething.

I'd rather potty train each of my children twice, than deal with teething. Seriously!

Here is a brief history of teething ala Bee Style.

Lainey- teethed early (3-4 months folks!), teethed hard, had mulitple ear infections, found out she was allergic to rocephin, an antibiotic shot that they gave her because of terrible GI side effects from oral antibiotics that she was experiencing. NOT FUN.

Julianne- Not a tooth in the child's head until around 1. Seriously, even I the teething hater, started to get concerned. We saw her baby teeth on a chest xray and I was relieved but didn't look forward to their arrival. She teethed hard and chewed everything in sight, including the edge of our wooden stairs. Yes.. I know.. this has been compared to puppies multiple times by multiple friends.

Xander- Oh me oh my. The kiddo has the worst time with teeth! He hates teeth. He likes to chew his hands and fingers and then gets really upset when he bites himself. He will not take a teething toy or chew a washcloth, or a biter biscuit. Nope.. hands are the only things that will do.. well besides your forearm or wrist and trust me, the chompers work (and hurt!) He is a drooly, sopping mess. The poor guy looks miserable in a bib during his playtime, like we are pulling a cruel joke on him. How dare we put a baby bib on him! In fact, he's recently figured out how to tear them off but before that he would wad the bib up and try to chew it! Now he chews the collars of his shirts.. like he's a goat. He has 10 teeth (one has only barely broken through though.) The most recent additions are two molars on the left side. He chomped me tonight when I was trying to make sure he wasn't eating a toy. It hurt.

Lord help me.. I have at least one more teether to go. Can't we just do baby dentures or something? I mean baby teeth aren't even permanent!

~Stephanie

I Mispoke...

On September 16th, as I wrote my blog post, one handed in the wee hours of the morning, I mispoke. And I'd like the opportunity to correct it.

I wrote: "The ONLY thing Brandon and I are promised is that we will go to Heaven as Believers."

This is not true. We are promised more than just to go to Heaven. But first I would like to share how God put this particular post on my heart in an effort to show how loving God has been to me.

A few days ago it rained... I mean it POURED! And after the rain we saw a rainbow. Several of my friends were thoughtful and put their pictures of the rainbow from their view on Facebook for all to see. Turns out there was a rainbow here in Richmond and in my hometown of Augusta, Georgia at the same time. Neat huh?

Rainbows have always, always been one of my favorite things about nature. In fact, one day as I was in a drab hospital nursery I looked out past the nurses station and saw a double rainbow from the rocking chair where I was cudding and getting to know Xander. It was a breathtaking moment that I hope I never forget!

Anywho.. as I looked at everyone's pictures of the rainbow, I felt a gentle nudging. The biblical significance of the rainbow is in Genesis chapter 9. God promised Noah that He would never again flood the earth to kill everything.

Ahhhh.. yes.. a promise. And it was then that words that I quoted above ran through my head and I realized that I had mispoken. *gulp*

What I meant to say is that we aren't promised an easy life. We aren't promised a job promotion. We aren't promised that because we believe in God that everything will go our way. So I'll be editing my post from Sept 16th and I ask for your understanding and forgiveness.

I never intended to say that God has only promised us Heaven.

God has made MANY promises- they are all throughout the Bible!

Humbly,
Stephanie