"A Taco... and some Diet Coke!"

Yesterday, I was stir crazy. It's rather hilarious that I used to leave our home every day and now I can go almost a week (most of the time) before I have that itch to leave.

I had.. um.. volunteered Brandon to help move furniture back to the children's wing so if I was going to go out, I was going to have to take all four, by myself.

This task was much easier before the boys turned into willful toddlers. So I try to avoid it. But I couldn't help myself yesterday.

I took the children to Target to pick up a few things. I had a short list and plenty of time. In general this is the best formula.

Xander turned into a comedian as we were checking out. First, he apparently was traumatized that I had to remove the shower curtain from his death grip to put it on the conveyor belt so I could pay for it and not make headlines in our TinyTown.

"Pregnant mom of four shoplifts shower curtain, blames son!" I could just see it.

Then he decided to make faces at the lady behind us. Luckily, she was not offended at him sticking his tongue out at her. *phew* I even apologized profusely!

And then he decided to announce to the world that he would like "A taco and diet coke."

Yup, you read that right. My 2 year old would like a taco and diet coke.

I asked him if we should try to convince Daddy to go to Chick Fil A. But no, only a taco and diet coke would do.

Where does he come up with these things?

I told Brandon the story when we picked him up from the church and he thought I was totally joking.

Until he heard the voice in the backseat say. "Goggy! (Daddy!) I wanna eat a taco and diet coke!" Plain as day.

So we did it. We went to Moe's so he could have a taco. (He really had a burrito but I'm not getting technical with my 2 year old.) And yes, I did let him splurge and have a diet coke. (I'll probably get comments about how bad diet coke is for anyone much less a growing child, blah, blah, blah... I'm all about picking my battles.)

Apparently the Diet Coke hit the spot?

And this was what he thought of his meal:

That is two thumbs up for those of you not in the know. :)

Nothing better!

~Stephanie

PS: I've had a few people ask about the lack of belly pics. With each pregnancy I show faster and faster... Be kind!

Isaiah 18 weeks!

But, But, But...

I've had a terrible case of writer's block over the last few weeks.

I want to tell you all about how God has shown Himself in the last few weeks, but I'm still processing some of the lessons.

I want to tell you how great my Xander is doing, but I am soaking up every bit of his good days, holding my breath and praying we don't have bad days again.

I want to tell you about how overcome I am with emotion when I think that Xander has been with us for almost 3 years! Brandon and I were talking about him the other night and I'm glad he can understand Stephanie's Sob Language. We are so thankful for him!

I want to tell you about how my toddler boys look more and more like little boys but if I say that outloud, I won't be in denial anymore, right? Wasn't it just yesterday I had a newborn and a 13 month old?

I want to tell you how my girlies are growing into bigger girlies. But I'm in denial about that too.

I want to tell you about our rollercoaster ride this pregnancy, but I don't want anyone to think I'm not grateful.

So instead, I've said nothing. And instead I get lost in my thoughts.

Mish Mash...

There have been quite a few little things going on around the Bee House that I've failed to mention.

1. Xander fell in love with the baby chicks. It has been several days since we saw the chicks at the Tractor Supply Store but he still asks if we will buy him a "shicken." I think a baby chick would last about 15 minutes max in Xander's hands because I think he would literally love the chicken to death. And that would make everyone cry. So no chickens.

2. We've loved the spring weather. Anytime Brandon gets off work at 3pm we are headed out the door shortly after. Brandon and I have begun wandering around the county. One day, while wandering down a winding country road, a herd of about 12 does ran across the road into a large field. They were beautiful.

3. Brandon and I are hoping at most, to only need to sign another year lease here. That would bring us to October 2013. We are kind of hoping that our landlord allows us a shorter lease period for the second lease or the ability to move to month to month renting. We have been exploring neighborhoods and looking for a new casa. In the meantime, we will aggressively be saving a down payment. Brandon and I do not desire a huge house (our current space is about 1600 sq feet and that feels good to us with a few tweaks here and there.) We are also not interested in having a large price tag attached to the house- so it could take some time for us to find the best casa for us. More as that starts to unfold.

4. Isaiah's arrival will leave us one open seat in our van. While we make it work for short trips around town, it is quite crowded for a longer trip. Brandon and I will be looking at those options and saving for that as well. We aren't interested in carrying a car payment (Dave Ramsey folks here!) so this may get pushed off for a bit longer still. But we will need to start looking, eventually.

5. Brandon is thriving at his new company. I expected nothing less, but he has started to receive a few comments here and there about his performance. (Good comments.) So he is keeping his head down and continuing to do his very best. We are hoping that he is accepted into the general manager in training program later this fall.

Chugging along nicely,

Stephanie

Waiting with Baited Breath

I've been quiet on the blog because I've been crazy busy. The children are growing in leaps and bounds, the weather has been beautiful, Xander has had normal diapers and I've been off bedrest!

Things have been pretty amazing. I still haven't felt Isaiah but each Monday when I go in for the 17-P injection, my sweet nurse gives me a listen to his heartbeat. It keeps me sane until the next week. Sort of.

Xander completed his 21 days of antibiotics, started his probiotics and then we started to wait and watch. It is the worst feeling in the world to wait and see if your sweet boy starts having issues again. We documented a little over a pound weight gain while he was on the antibiotics. Right before our very eyes we watched his cheeks fill out, a leg roll appear and his arms fill out. I'm terrified of going backwards.

And yet, this morning, it appears that we may be starting that downhill slide. I want to stay on the mountaintop! Last night we had roast, baked carrots and homemade fries (our timing was off and we needed something fast for our potatoes.) He had done the homemade fries with no issues so the only new thing was the carrots.

We had an issue with carrots when he first came off of the elemental formula, but our nutritionist and new gastroenterologist threw out his reaction to carrots. But now this is twice... or is it just the beginning of constant diarrhea again?

I hate that nothing is clear cut. I hate that nothing seems to be A, B, C. And yet, as much as I hate what we are going through, there is nothing that I can really do about it except comfort Xander when he is upset, try to keep going and pray like crazy.

The last time we spoke with the gastroenterologist he said that if the diarrhea continued after this past round of antibiotics we'd be looking at doing some more scoping. But even that doesn't guarantee we will know anything.

Part of me hopes it is carrots, but then I wonder: Why he is having so many allergy/intolerance issues?

*sigh*

~Stephanie

It's... a

-nother boy!

We were all shocked. Even Brandon thought it was a girl this time!

The best news of my appointment is that there is NO EVIDENCE of a subchorionic hemmorhage.

That is right...

NONE.

Praising the One I know and love!

There is still a need for prayer though. I have a marginal previa which means that the placenta is too close to the cervix. There is still plenty of time for it to move... well it doesn't really move, the uterus stretches and the placenta goes with the uterus.

Anywho, it does make me at risk for more bleeding and if it doesn't move, then I could need a repeat csection.

But I've been taken off of bedrest and told to take it easy. (No heavy lifting, etc.)

Once again, I'm surrendering this to God. He knows how our baby will come. Julianne needed a csection to get here safely. And as a mother, I'm willing to sacrifice my comfort and desires for my wee one.

Oh and his name is Isaiah.

A few months before I knew I was pregnant, we were studying a passage in Isaiah and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I love lots of passages in Isaiah. I told Brandon after service, that the name Isaiah really stuck with me. When we were scared we would lose our baby, several of my friends sent me verses from Isaiah and it again, made the hair on the back of my neck stand up... God is just soooo good like that!

My favorite passage, one I repeated several times a day on bedrest was from Isaiah is 40: 28-31.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men will stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. " (NIV)

Love that. What a powerful passage to those that are demoralized and weary.

Isaiah's middle name is Samuel.

1 Samuel 1:27 is often quoted.. but rarely do you hear the next verse with it.

"'I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him....' " - 1 Samuel 1:27

and then:

"So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.' And he worshipped the Lord there." - 1 Samuel 1:28.

What a powerful statement. One of surrender and trust. And faith. And worship!

Brandon and I have walked a long road so far. We've had trial after trial here lately, and we are still living joyfully in a relationship with God. But we realized that this baby isn't ours. He's the Lord's. We prayerfully hoped and prayed while surrendering... and what a sweet surrender that was.

I can't wait to see Mr. Isaiah Samuel. His story started before his birth... and I've already learned so much from him!

~Stephanie

Blabberings from Bedrestland...

Whew, bedresting is exhausting and mindnumbing. We are getting lots of school done these days because mama can't do anything else and we are homebound. Julianne is almost done with her kindergarten assignments and we had to purchase another workbook to keep her going in something because she looooooooooooooves school so much.

Lainey is chugging along too. She isn't as eager as Julianne but we are steadily working through the remaining assignments she has.

Wednesday we got a call from our OB's nurse telling us that the pharmacy had insurance approval for the Makena shots and we just needed to speak with them before they could ship them. Brandon got to be that person because all of the red tape I've dealt with this year as made me frustrated and I'm supposed to be relaxing. I could build us a house out of the red tape we've dealt with this year.

The shots were overnighted to our OB's office and I got to be the lucky recipient that afternoon. YE-OUCH! I'll continue to get those shots every week until 32 or 35 weeks. (I find out more tomorrow.) Brandon sweet talked the nurse into letting us have a listen to the baby's heart beat as my prize and the heartrate was 162!

Seeing the doppler makes me so nervous each time because we've had such a hard time finding the heartrate easily and that always makes me panic. So I hold my breath and pray but this time it wasn't nearly as panic-inducing.

I walked out on cloud nine.

But returned back to bedrestland.

Tomorrow, I have an appt at 3:15 (eastern time) for an ultrasound and then an office visit with my OB. He told us that they will be measuring the hemmorhage site, seeing if the part of the placenta re-attached, and checking cervical length. A 2nd trimester SCH raises risks for preterm labor so that is concerning given my history (and what we are hoping the shots help with!)

Then he winked and said "We'll see about getting a peek at gender as well."

So we might! If we do, then in Bee tradition we will announce the baby's name. If not, then I have at least one more ultrasound at 18-20 weeks. That is the big anatomy scan.

Eventually we will know!

Thanks for the prayers and thinking about us. We greatly appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

I'll update ASAP tomorrow night.

~Stephanie

The Mindgame

I've had a tremendous amount of quiet time in my head which can be seen as a good thing or a bad thing depending on who you are. I'm on Day #9 of bedrest and while I'm not a happy camper about being sidelined as my family continues on without me playing an active role, I'm doing what I was told was the ideal to give our baby the best chances.

I hate chance. Anyone that knows me for about 5 minutes knows that I'm a play it safe kind of girl. I want a sure thing. And as I get older I realize more and more that nothing is a sure thing while you are here on earth. Not a thing here is a sure thing.

I watched a friend bury her husband. Growing old with the man you love isn't a sure thing.

I watched a friend lose two sons in a row. Babies making it safely through pregnancy isn't a sure thing.

I walked a road of infertility and miscarriage and watched several friends as they walked the same road. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant just isn't a sure thing.

Brandon and I have quietly whispered in the dark (so as not to have to watch the tears fall down each other's cheeks) about the what ifs. We've talked about the hard possibility that our baby may not make it. (The subchorionic hemmorhage is behind my placenta and raises the odds of placental abruption quite a bit.) I'm not in Lala-Land where every problem is solved neatly in a 30 minute or 60 minute show.

This is real life-- where the only thing that is a sure thing is God. And I've clung to Him. I lay my fears and worries at His feet each day-- sometimes several times a day. I've re-read stories about miracles and things that look horrible from an odds point of view. Just because I'm a believer doesn't mean I'm promised an easy life. What I am promised is eternal life. THAT is a sure thing. My ONE sure thing. And that joy and hope keeps me going each day.

I'm in for the fight. This is a MINDGAME. I can't let the excitement be snuffed out. I simply refuse!!!!!

I am still refusing to let these complications steal our joy. The girls talk about "when our baby comes" and I force my mind go there instead of shielding my heart. We've arranged our school schedule to take a break in the fall "when our baby comes." We've chosen names. I've looked at coming home outfits.

Years ago, I wrote in my inspiration journal the following quote:

"Quit telling God how big your storm is, and start telling the storm how big your God is!"

So I am. Every morning, I lay in bed and praise the One that knows how this turns out. I thank Him for one more day with our baby. I thank Him for the children I have and my husband, who has been my biggest cheerleader during these 9 days. While I hope with all my might, I've tearfully prayed for the Lord's will to be done.

If we lose our baby, we will grieve. But every second that I'm still pregnant, I will continue to look forward to that little life. The 5th set of little feet joining our family. Our tiebreaker.

Either way, a testimony is being written. I'm just the storyteller. How blessed I am to know Him and recognize His works in our lives.

~Stephanie

Updates!

Thursday, I went to my OB appointment. We had a scare with the heartbeat and the first nurse could not find baby's heartbeats and left us alone in the exam room.

I started crying. Brandon was rubbing my hair and trying to reassure me about "those crazy machines" when the second nurse walk in.

She walked in and said "Oh let's find this wiggleworm!" And when she came around, she noticed I was crying. I don't hide crying well. My face gets splotchy red and my eyes swell up. (I have a certain daughter that does the same exact thing when she cries.) So she said some reassuring words to me, but I'm not really sure what they were because I was praying so hard for a heartbeat to still be there and the baby to cooperate.

And finally we found it. It seems like we have a little drama king or queen on our hands.

We discussed the ultrasound in the hospital with our doctor and he let us know that things could go either way. In our favor, we have a baby measuring ahead of date (so the placenta is nourishing baby well), a strong heartbeat and an active baby... along with prayers of our family and friends!

But bleeding in pregnancy is always worrisome. It is less worrisome since we have a cause and can monitor it and compare.

My ob went ahead and started the process to get the P17 shots ordered for me. I'll take one every week until I am 32 weeks and then we will discontinue. My doctor chuckled as he said this could be my longest pregnancy ever with the shots.

The shots have to be compounded and approved through our insurance so I should hear more this week about when to come in and have it done. Pray for me, they'll be teaching Brandon how to give me shots. EEKS! I'll be really sweet to him those days.

After we left the OB we got called back because it looked like I had an UTI but the first nurse dumped out the sample. So... I had to go back. I'm now on antibiotics.

My doctor is out of the country on his daughter's spring break trip so, we are praying double that this week is uneventful!

Thursday afternoon, we also found out that Xander's cdiff lab came back negative. The Flagyl is working, which means that it is more likely to be SIBO (Short Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth) which is not contagious.

Xander is doing the best he has in months. The day I came home from the hospital, my aunt had dressed in him blue jeans!!! He has refused blue jeans for quite some time, opting only for stretchy, sweat pant material that he kept low on his waist. He is eating a variety of foods now, eating larger amounts and most importantly, not having ANY diarrhea. In fact, when we tracked his dirty diapers, Solomon and Xander had the same number of dirty diapers in a day.. at the same times!

We are praising God for His mercy. It is so relieving to me to see Xander do well even though we are highly concerned about our wee one as well.

In a move of optimism we chose baby names tonight. In Bee tradition, we will not announce the name until we know the gender. BUT, we may find out sooner this pregnancy than any pregnancy before. I have a follow up ultrasound/peri/OB appt on March 12th and we may get a look at gender.

~Stephanie