Dearest Xander...

Xander,

 

I'm not quite sure why the Lord has blessed *us* with you. We are so undeserving.  But He has and I thank Him every single day for you.

 

You are amazing, my oldest son and my music loving little man.  I love the way you look at your babiest brother and tell me that his name is 'Saiah like I am meeting him for the first time.  I love the way you are SO concerned when he spits up. 

 

You want to fix things and you are fiercely protective.

 

I am too.  And maybe that is why He gave you to me.  We have a lot of things to figure out for you so that you can succeed in the Lord's plans for you.  I believe that He has incredible plans for you.  Plans that I can't even begin to imagine.  Hopefully, these new changes and appointments help us figure things out a bit.

 

But even if we never get things figured out... I want you to know that I love you, always forever and no matter what.  That was the promise I made to you and your birthmom about 3.5 years ago and I stand firm in that.  You've stretched me as a mama and sometimes growth is uncomfortable.  But it is all worth it, when I look into your chocolatey brown eyes and run my hand across your curls.  You are worth it.  No matter what. 

 

I promise to continue to be your voice, your advocate and your biggest cheerleader... until my very last breath. 

 

~Momma

 

(I've intentionally been vague in this posting as we continue to process and make a strategy for Xander and our family.  Would your pray for us in a very real, powerful and intentional way over the next week or so?  We sure would appreciate it.) 

 

 

We Made It...

In addition to having days full of nursings, diapers, and learning to divide my time five ways keeping me away from the blog, other things were as well.

This week was the one year anniversary of us realizing that Annalise was not going to be joining our family. 

I wanted to hide under the covers and sob.

But we made it.  I had asked for prayers from some amazing prayer warrior friends of ours and they literally held us together with their prayers. 

I know God has a plan.  I know He intended our path to cross with hers.  I know He knew from the beginning of time that she was not coming home to us. 

I still just wish *I* knew why.  Maybe I'll know while I'm on earth but maybe I won't know until I get to Heaven.

So we just keep swimming. 

~Stephanie

Another dietary restriction...

Yesterday we started a 3 week trial of no gluten for Xander.  He had become increasingly more aggitated and after giving him 4 weeks to adjust to life with a little brother, we decided we had to look deeper.

Our chiropractor suggested we try gluten.

So we are. 

So far, things seem to be simmering down.  Our chiropractor did let us know that we needed to do at least 3 weeks to see results.

We also discovered that he cannot tolerate Red Dye 40.  We've seen a great improvement after stopping that.  (We cut out Red Dye before gluten.. have to stay somewhat scientific in our trial. LOL!)

~Stephanie

Some pictures to tide you over...

5 days old

 

Isaiah and Lainey.  She squealed with delight the entire time she held him.

3 weeks old and wide awake

3.5 weeks old. Two words: Milk coma.