Twos-Day

It's been awhile since I've shared pictures of Isaiah so I thought I'd share two of my most recent favorites!

Isaiah can now sit up!  He can even do this on soft surfaces like my bed.  Xander and Solomon get SO upset when he falls over though.   I tell ya, these siblings would wrap him in bubble wrap if they could.  (Yes, that is a crib set up as a toddler bed in the background.  Solomon now sleeps in our room too.)

And the second picture is Isaiah when we were about to be discharged from the hospital.  I love those cheeks.  Isaiah weighed 18.1 lbs at his 6 month well child check up and our doctor was thrilled with his development.  He does have very bad eczema (and now a known food allergy) so we are visiting an allergist tomorrow for testing.  Sigh.  That only leaves me one child with no food or drug allergies (Julianne.) 

I also love the dimples in the top of his hand.  *swoon*

~Stephanie

More House Drama

We did not close this past Friday... and it wasn't our fault at all.

The sellers did not have the repairs done that we agreed to.  It's a long messy story, but supposedly the repair man is coming on Tuesday and we are hoping to close on Wednesday.

If not, uhhhh we have no Plan B.

I have movers scheduled on Thursday and we have six days left on our lease to figure something out. 

(Yes, our rental is already rented for when we leave.)

So pretty puh-leaze!  Pray that these sellers get their acts together. 

I have to say, I'm NOT suprised.

The plan all along was to move into a bigger house so that we could be approved for another adoption.

And I've shared what happens when you have plans to adopt a child, right?  Spiritual warfare goes INSANE. 

So here we are.  In full blown battle mode. 

And we haven't even started paperwork!  Seems like someone (with a little s) is awfully worried about another child joining the B Bunch and being raised to know and love Our Savior. 

It's all good though.  Because *I* read the rest of the Bible.  God wins in the end!

So there!

~Stephanie

Week 3: Another Roadblock

Week 3: Yet Another Attempt at a Roadblock

Background:  After Solomon's hospitalization with croup, I thought we were done with hospitals.  But we had another one! 

Isaiah started violently vomiting about 2 hours after eating pears.  He vomited approximately 7-9 times within 30 minutes and started to fall asleep in between each episode.  He wasn't upset that he was vomiting.  No crying, etc.  And then he lost all of his color and went very pale.

We called our family doctor to see if we missed something or if we were overreacting and he recommended that we go into the Emergency Room.  So I took him in immediately.

He was greatly dehydrated and they had trouble getting an IV in.  He started to perk up a little after he recieved alot of fluids.  About 4:30 am we found out we were being transferred to Children's for observation. 

The same transport team that took Solomon to Children's, came and transported Isaiah. 

After 12 hours of monitoring intake and output, we were released from the hospital. 

So no.more.pears.ever!  Our allergist appt was moved up to next week and so now no anti-histamines until then. 


Scale Movement:

I lost 3 lbs.  Total: 10 lbs lost!

Non-Scale Victories:

• I drank at least 64 ounces of water a day.
• I found a new love for biking.  I biked SIX MILES Tuesday night and only stopped because I was on a tight schedule that night. 
• I logged every calorie/carb/fat gram/gram of protein I ate.  (Except the day I was in the hospital.)  
• I steered clear of the vending machine at the hospital.
• Instead of turning to food, I turned to the gym or talked about my HOUSE stress.  (ERRR!)
• I am still caffeine free, despite very little sleep.   

Goals from last week:

• I want to go to the gym 4 days.- Completed! I actually did 6!
• Continue to log every calorie I eat.- Completed with the exception of the hospital stay.   
• Find a breakfast I am happy with, since we think Isaiah is having issues with the eggs I was eating every morning. -Meh.. My yogurt and fruit is okay.  Just wish I could find something hot. 

Goals for this week:

• Go to the gym at least 5 days. 
• Continue to log every calorie I eat.
• Find a visual aid to track my scale goals.. (This requires me to figure out what my long term goals are.  OOPS!)

~Stephanie

Busted my Butt, but I Still Love it...

Yup... that was me!  I fell doing squats today.  Seriously.

Splat! 

Right on the mat.  With my husband standing next to me. 

My muscles failed. 

And I got up. 

And finished my workout. 

True.freakin'. story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This life change has been like a light switch.  It's flipped.  I'm either on or not.  There is no "halfway."  I've gotten to where I get twitchy if something happens and I can't get to the gym.  I feel like I've forgotten something HUGE. 

I love everything about going to the gym:

I love riding in the car by myself, not listening to the same 16 songs that I've heard 4739247392749327593285932 times in the same order for over a year.  (Xander has a CD that he feels he HAS to listen to every time we are in the van.  You can't even press shuffle without howling coming from the back seat.  This howling and screeching is so incredibly ear piercing, it makes me a completely unsafe driver.  So we continue to listen to the CD. Sigh.) 

I love the friendly smiles when I swipe my access card. 

I love the smell.  It isn't stinky.  It is a clean smell mixed with chlorine (at the locations with pools.) 

I love watching my progress on ActivTrax.  I love getting a neat little print out telling me what to do.  It makes me happy to check things off.  I'm a box checker. 

I love putting in my ear buds and drowning out the world. 

I love the way I feel when I am done.  Pleasantly fatigued, I call it.  Not exhausted (anymore usually.) 

I love showering with unlimited hotwater.. ALONE.  Without anyone knocking on the door calling out "Mama."  And the water pressure.  *happy sigh*

I love driving home. 

I love editing the 2013 Workout Log page here on my blog.  They are adding up!!!!

And I love seeing results.

I'm a better mommy, wife and friend this way.  I have more to pour out after I've been filled up. 

Who knew?

~Stephanie

Week 1 and 2 Check-In

Week 1: The Beginning

Scale Movement: 

I lost 5 lbs. 

Non-Scale Victories:

• I went to the gym 6 out of 7 days.  
• I drank at least 64 ounces of water a day.  Some days I drank wayyy more. 
• I logged every calorie/carb/fat gram/gram of protein I ate.
• I resisted the cute little children fundraising with junkfood for their swim team at our gym.  
• Instead of turning to food, I turned to the gym or talked about my stress.
• I am now caffeine free. 
• My insomnia has disappeared.  I do wake up for about an hour in the middle of the night every night though.  Not sure what that is about, but I've started using that time as my quiet time with God and for prayer.

Goals for this next week: 

• I want to go to the gym 6 days.
• Continue to log every calorie I eat.
• Try one new recipe.  Things are starting to get old fast.  ;) 
• Set up a visual aid for my progress. 

Week 2: Crash

Last week's goals:

I want to go to the gym 6 days. -Only made three.

Continue to log every calorie I eat. - Did for three days.

Try one new recipe. Things are starting to get old fast. ;) - Actually did two!

Set up a visual aid for my progress.- Not yet.   

Scale Movement:

I lost 2 more pounds.  Total loss: 7 lbs

Non-Scale Victories:

• While dealing with Solomon's croup we didn't go hog wild with emotional/convenience eating.  I did gain a bit of last week's loss back and then relost that PLUS two pounds.  So not too bad. 
• I got back with the program on Monday.  Over the weekend we were still dealing with alot of sickness and mentally processing what just happened.  So I started fresh on Monday. 
• I went to the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.   
• I drank at least 64 ounces of water a day. Some days I drank wayyy more.
• I logged every calorie/carb/fat gram/gram of protein I ate from Monday on.   
• Instead of turning to food, I turned to the gym or talked about my stress.  This week, I was blindsided by working on our taxes and looking over reciepts from Annalise's failed adoption.  Instead of eating my disappointment and sadness, I went to the gym and lifted weights. 
• I am now caffeine free... again.  I went back to caffeine when I was in the hospital with Solomon.  (Hellooo?  45 minutes sleep one night between staying up with Solomon and pumping like a dairy cow.)

Goals for this next week:

• I want to go to the gym 4 days.
• Continue to log every calorie I eat.   
• Find a breakfast I am happy with, since we think Isaiah is having issues with the eggs I was eating every morning. 

We have alot going on this next week so I need to be realistic.

Thank you for your support!

~Stephanie

The Waiting Game

I saw that Critical Care truck come around the corner to park and I bit my lip as I waited to read the respiratory therapist's face and to see Solomon's face once again.

Sure enough he was just as we left him at the other hospital.  Except for the rash that was now covering his body.

"It's the ketamine, Mom.  It wasn't the antibiotics like they thought at the other hospital.  He's already dosed up on Benadryl, and quite frankly the hives are pretty low on the list of concerns."

I liked this guy.  He told me everything I needed to know without playing 20 Questions. 

We followed the team up to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.  They were waiting for us and everyone flew into action. 

The doctor was a middle aged man with a turban on.  He was so relaxed that I wasn't sure he had a pulse but it was strangely soothing.

We answered some basic health questions and he told us the plan.  We were going to leave Solomon sedated for at least 24 hours.  They would do a breathing treatments as needed.  And they changed his sedative from ketamine.   They actually changed him to two sedatives and a pain medicine (to act as a sedative.)

The doctor cracked a half smile and told us to hope for a leak.  "Leaking pipes are bad, leaking IV's are bad, hearing a leak around a vent tube when you are sure it was placed right?  That is what you are hoping for."

I told Brandon, I had never hoped for a leak before.  But if that was what we needed, I'd start praying and hoping.

So we began to wait.  Brandon and I grabbed something to eat, we called to check on the other children and we settled in.  I began pumping to try to keep up with Isaiah, who up until this point had never taken a bottle. 

The first time I settled in for a pumping session, Solomon began retching and despite his soft wrist restraints he began to pull on tubes and try to roll over simultaneously.  I sat there trying to figure out what I could do if anything.  We once again had a roomful of people.  After some additional sedatives, they sent radiology to us to make sure his tubes were still in place.

My nerves were shot.  I had reached the end of myself.  And I sent out some more prayer requests.

I watched every breath he took.  Read every blood pressure reading.  Watched his pulse raise and lower. 

A sweet friend brought us dinner, my beloved sweet tea and double chocolate chunk cookies.  We ate right around the corner and while we spoke, our nurse came to get me.

"Stephanie, we need you.  Solomon's heart rate is 180 beats a minute and we need to see if you can calm him down with your voice."

I flew around the corner to find Solomon once again wrestling with two adults.  His medications were increased again.

Several times through the night his medications were increased.  It was a careful dance.  The sedatives dropped his blood pressure but him coming to compromised his airway and raised his pulse.  At one point, the bottom number of his blood pressure was 33.  I could tell by the way our nurse stayed in the room that we were in a very, very serious situation. 

The breathing treatments were creating ordeals that were longer and longer in length of time.  Two and a half hours after our midnight treatment,  we had him settled. 

But it wasn't for long.  Soon we started to see his eye lids flutter and he reached over and rubbed my arm.  He knew I was there and it made the tears start flowing down my cheeks.  And then the wrestling match started. 

"Soli-boy, go night night.  It's still dark outside."

I watched the monitors as I attempted to get some rest.  Solomon was breathing on his own over the vent which was an excellent sign.  He was breathing 30% oxygen which we were told was the very minimum they use.  (Room air is 21%.)  Things looked good, but it was still scary as hell. 

After the 4 am breathing treatment, the doctor finally heard a decent amount of leaking and shortly after he was given a large dose of sedative, he said that we could start to wake him up.

Our nurse snorted and said, "Figures!"

Brandon and I were thrilled that we didn't have to wait 24 hours. 

The doctor asked Brandon and I not to leave the room during the process.  He told us that Solomon needed to hear us and that most children will respond far quicker to their parent's voice than any of their staff. 

The first step was to move him to a CPAP machine.  CPAP only breathes for you, if you are apneic for a certain period of time.  He chugged right along, breathing all his breaths on his own.  I watched his respiration rate raise and lower but the alarms never sounded.

So then we just had to wait for the wrestling match to start.  Within a really short period of time, we started seeing signs that Solomon was waking up.  I talked to him and let him know we were going to make his mouth and throat feel better as it took four adults to hold him down. 

And just like that, the tube was removed.  When his arms were unrestrained, he started picking at the tape on his face.  We coaxed him to open his eyes.  And started to sit him up.  His eyebrows danced all over his forehead before we finally saw him open his chocolate brown eyes. 

You couldn't have scrubbed the smile off of my face with a brillo pad.  My boy had returned.  Soon he was blowing bubbles with the respiratory therapist (who was trying to bribe Solomon to cough.)  His lips were so silly trying to remember how to blow bubbles.  But we got it done. 

We did another breathing treatment.  His body shook as a side effect of the Albuterol.  He was on a really large dose.  But we were just thrilled to see his eyes again!

He was allowed to start a liquid diet a little after 9am.  By lunch time, he was eating solids.  Shortly after that we were able to walk laps with him and he walked to their Treasure Chest and found a truck. 

We were still watching his blood pressure carefully, so they used fluids to increase his numbers a bit. 

At 8pm, he had a dose of IV steroids and after a phone call to the doctor, we were discharged.

Brandon and I saw the Critical Care Truck on our way out.  As soon as we got Solomon in his carseat and buckled and we climbed in the front seat, we looked at each other and shook our heads.

 

"THAT.was.insane.  He recovered so quickly!"

"And people don't believe in miracles."

I shook my head and told Brandon that I did.  I've seen too much to not believe. 

 

Left: 9:30 pm on February 7th. 
Right:  7 am on February 8th.

~Stephanie

Remember that part about following your gut?

Thursday morning I woke up and nursed the baby in my room, just like I normally do. 

I heard Solomon wake up about 8:45 and asked Lainey to help him up.  Lainey shouted from the other room and said, "Mama... Something is wrong with Solomon!"

And then I heard it. 

It was an awful gasping, chugalug sound as he walked down the hall to me. 

I touched his head and he was warm to the touch.  His eyes didn't look right.  His chocolate brown eyes floated around in head. 

Eyes have always been my children's "tell." 

So I started making phone calls to Brandon.  We never talk that early in the morning, but I started dialing. 

And I got voicemail over and over.  I sent a few texts begging him to call back.  I sent out a prayer request on facebook.

I had no idea he was in an important meeting.

I changed Solomon's pajamas and started gathering things together.  I knew he couldn't stay home like this.

I finally got through to Brandon and immediately told Brandon he had to come home.  NOW.  That Solomon was very sick and needed to go in now.

He left everything where it was and told his peer he had to go.

That 16 minute drive felt like an hour.  It should have taken about 25 minutes. 

I called my friend, Maureen, in the meantime and we debated who should go.  Isaiah had never taken a bottle but I usually do most of the medical stuff.  We decided to let Brandon take him.

We also debated between two hospitals.  One with a pediatric department but further away.  One closer but without a pediatric department.

Then a coughing episode started that scared the ever livin' daylights out of me. 

I met Brandon in the driveway with Solomon and told him to drive fast but safely and go to the closest hospital.  "Keep me posted and take care of my baby." 

And I kissed Solomon's head and watched them pull away.

Then I fell apart.  I paced, I nursed, I watched the clock.  It was torturous!

I sent a few texts and tried calling Brandon and got voicemail.  I waited until I couldn't wait anymore and called the nurses station and asked to be transferred to his room. 

Brandon told me that Solomon had been given 10 breathing treatments and a shot of epinephrine and was going to be transported by ambulance to the hospital with the pediatric department. 

I knew I had to get to him. 

I sent some texts to my friend Maureen and she asked if I wanted to go to the hospital.  I told her I wanted to go but I felt torn between Isaiah and Solomon.  She agreed to come pick up the children and assured me that she could care for Isaiah.  I nursed him while I waited for her. 

The plan was that she was going to take me to the first hospital and try to catch Brandon before Solomon was transferred across town.  If we missed him, she'd take me there. 

I walked into the emergency department and it was packed!  I stood in a very long, not moving line and panic set in.  I was so afraid that they were going to transport Solomon before I got to him. 

In a moment of desperation, I called the nurses station again and I started talking really fast explaining that I was Solomon's mother, that I was there but in the ER lobby and needed someone to show me where to go and let me through.

She said she'd be right there.

She came to get me and asked when I had spoken to my husband last.  I told her it had been some time.

She stopped me in the hallway and she said she had something to tell me.  I told her I could see my husband.  He was standing in the hallway and my Solomon was NO.WHERE.IN.SIGHT. 

She told me Brandon was standing with the chaplain.  I started to freak out.  I kept repeating, "No.  No no no no no no."  She realized where my mind had jumped to, and she said Solomon was fine.  She wanted to let me know that Solomon had been intubated and was sedated. 

I knew I had to get down the hall to Brandon and I bolted. 

Brandon and I held each other and cried for a bit.  The chaplain introduced herself and asked if I had any questions.  I asked her if I could see Solomon before they transferred him.  She went to ask the doctor. 

The room was so full of people (head pharmacist, an anesthesiologist, two emergency room docs, two respiratory therapists, two transport men, a traveling NICU nurse, a handful of ER nurses) that I could barely squeeze in to see Solomon.  He had wires everywhere and I wasn't sure where to touch.  I grabbed his foot and whispered in his ear. 

"Mama is here.  You are going to be okay.  I love you, Solomon Kincaid.  You are going to ride on a big truck and we will see you there..." 

And then I tried to convince myself that I told him the truth while they finished preparations to transport him.

The emergency room doctors were amazing.  They explained that they had a great deal of difficulty intubating him because his airway was so swollen.  The anesthesiologist was the one that finally got him intubated.  He originally told the ER doctor that there was a "mass" in his throat.  So they went back to his xrays and found nothing.  Turns out his airway was just that swollen.  They had discussed doing an emergency tracheostomy.

 He reassured us that we did the right thing by going to the closest hospital even though he needed transported.  He told us that most likely Solomon would have lost consciousness if we had tried to go further.  He let us know that Solomon had had an allergic reaction in addition to the respiratory distress, but he wasn't sure which medication had caused it because he had so much.  He had Benadryl now and would let the recieving hospital know but to be on the lookout.  Solomon's flu and rsv swabs were negative.  His chest xray was clear.  But his trachea was very swollen. 

Next thing I knew, we were standing on the corner waiting for the Critical Care Transport Team to arrive with my two year old in the back on the truck.

~Stephanie

The 8 Parenting Lessons I've learned in 10 years

(One of my very favorite pictures of Lainey.  She carried that gaudy purse everywhere she went when she was two years old.  We were headed to dinner.  Now I smile when I see that purse in our pictures.)

 

 

 

Lainey turns 10 today at 4:48 pm marking a decade in this parenting gig.  It has felt like a zillion years and a blink of an eye all at once.  *sniff, sniff*

So I figured I'd share some of the things I've learned as I've walked the parenting road the last 10 years.  I still have so very much to learn.  Let's face it, I'm only about a third of the way through this journey.. I have 17.5 years until Isaiah, our current youngest, will be 18. 

1.  This journey is not going to be like you imagined. I think every parent imagines the sunshine and rainbows part of parenting.  I'll fess up right here and say that I was a "kid person" before children and it still was not like I imagined.  The morning sickness, the multiple bedrests, the heartbreak I had to walk to even create our family...  nothing was like I imagined.

I also didn't realize how much bigger the good parts would be.  Teaching Lainey to read, potty training success, tiny hugs, gentle kisses, the way I beam as I watch my babies sleep.  It is all so much better than I imagined.

2.  The journey is worth it.  Some days, I really get down and start to believe lies whispered into my ear.  This journey is worth it. 

3.  Good enough is good enough.  No one can maintain perfection for very long and stay happy and sane.  For so long, I did everything I could for things to appear perfect.  I talked about it a bit in our Disney World post.  Some things only have to be done to good enough.  Decide for yourself what those will be and spend that extra time and energy on something where good enough, isn't.

 

4.  Don't take yourself so seriously.  Raising children is serious business.  You are shaping lives.  But don't stay wound so tight that you can't laugh, smile and be silly.  Cracking a few jokes, having a good laugh at something that tickles your funny bone... that is the stuff that memories are made of.

 

5.  Slow down. I know the minutes, hours, days and weeks feel long.  The seasons are short though.  These past 10 years have flown by.  No one ever regrets taking time to slow down and enjoy their children.  I've heard several elderly people discuss their regrets, and I've never, ever heard someone say, "I wish I colored less with my children."  Or "I wish I talked less to my children."  Slow down.  Soon it will all be a blur. 

 

6.  Have a vision, but understand it will morph.  We started with a vision of what we wanted our family to be.  And some of the things we do almost exactly like we imagined.  Some things have less importance than what we imagined.  Some things were unaddressed in our original vision.  And sometimes God threw us a curveball that changed almost everything. 

 

7.  Follow your gut.  If you look in any bookstore in the parenting section you will find a plethora of books with vastly different theories.  Then well meaning people offer a zillion bits of advice.  If you try to follow it all, you will drive yourself mad.  What sounds good might not work for you.  I am convinced that the small voice that you hear in the quiet moments is sent by God.  Don't tune that voice out.  It will guide you and may even save your child's life one day. 

 

8.  Realize that there are no perfect parents.  As we spend our time in the trenches, it is soooo easy to convince ourselves that we are the only imperfect parents in the world.  Don't believe this!  If you were to sit down with a well respected person in your life, that is a parent (not necessarily your parent) ask them if they felt like they were a perfect parent.  It will be eye opening. 

~Stephanie

Anniversary Vacation Quandry

So, I wishfully inquired about a vacation to Hawaii for our 10th anniversary (April 2014.)  If we only had to pay for 2 flights (and not 6-7) we might have been able to swing it.  Yup, you heard right!  Our children will be going with us.

Unfortunately, we live on the wrong coast for reasonable airfare and since Hawaii is a archipelago in the middle of the ocean (aka no bridge) you have to fly.  Well.. I suppose you may be able to find a boat ride, but you get the point. 

Alas, Hawaii will have to wait. 

A friend recommended that we price out Atlantis in the Bahamas but that was not much different pricewise by the time you add in passports and multiple rooms.  Gulp. 

So I priced cruises (do you see a theme here?  Mama is desiring someplace tropical!) and that was ridiculously expensive because we either have to reserve the suite (CHA-ching $$$$$$$$) or book multiple rooms that connect.  And technically we have to say that Bran and I will sleep in separate rooms... on our anniversary.  We could leave the connecting door open, but still, I'm a rule follower.  And I'm hopefully raising little rule followers. 

But I digress.

So we are considering Old Faithful-- DisneyWorld.  BUT!!!!  Our favorite time to go to Disney is in October.  So if we moved our trip to then, we would be celebrating our 10.5 year anniversary.  It just doesn't have the same ring to it.

It sounds silly and prideful, I suppose, but our 10 year anniversary is a huge deal in my mind.  You see.. back when 20 year old Stephanie and 21 year old Brandon got married a short 9 months after my divorce was final..  no one was positive about it.  NO.ONE.  We were engaged July 4th.. the day after my divorce was final.  My ex and I had been separated for over a year at that point and he had moved on too.  Well, I mean technically he moved on while we were still together, but that is a story for another day.  (UGH.)

Anyway, back to the point.  NO ONE supported our marriage.  We were told several times that we'd NEVER make it.  Brandon's family's pastor refused to marry us.  True story.

One person said we'd never make it a year.  One gave us mayyyyybe five years. 

So we eloped and we were married on the beach, barefoot in the sand with two guests-- my mom and Lainey, during Spring Break.  (You didn't think we'd give in that easily, right?)  The strangers from another wedding party that saw us outside all went on their balconies and clapped and cheered for us.  Sad that strangers were happier for us than our families. 

But we all know how the B's like a challenge right? I'm not going to lie.  We entered our marriage with each of us bringing along plenty of baggage.  Money was tight, we had a small child, we were both in college and working full time too. It was rough.. and every time I thought we weren't going to make it another day, I heard those voices telling me that we'd never make it and it spurred me on. I was too stubborn to give in and thankfully Brandon was too. 

So, to make it to 10 years after all that, I'd like to go someplace special.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... after all that.  If anyone has a recommendation (that is somewhat budget friendly) I'd love to hear it.  Otherwise, we will end up visiting The Mouse in October.  Not that that is a bad thing just not exactly what I dreamed about all these years, ya know?

~Stephanie

New Page

Wayyyy up at the top of the blog, there is a page called 2013 Workout Log. 

I'm actively updating that page after each work out.  I'm also journaling all my food/water intake in My Fitness Pal-- which is private.  But I've been faithfully logging things!

This whole thing is going to be a battle of discipline.  And part of that discipline for me is being honest about what I'm taking in and what I am doing to mooooooooooove. 

Journaling has been eye opening.  So far, I've decided that my coffee creamer just "ain't all that."  In order to put enough to really taste it, it really eats up my allowable calories for a day.  Coffee without creamer, isn't enjoyable, so I dropped it.

I've also given up Pepsi.. I've been on all water for two days now (before that I had one cup of coffee for two days and then water for the rest of the day.. no Pepsi at all!!!) 

Now that I'm ready to do this, I find that my calorie counting is a lot like our financial budgeting.  I *can* splurge a bit here and there, but it has to come from somewhere else. 

And those extra side jobs you take on to meet your numbers in financial budgeting?  Ohhhhh that would equate to extra workouts. 

Completely enlightening.  ;)

~Stephanie

Dear Fat Girl at the Gym

I see you.  I watched you in the mirror last night.  I see you looking around trying to figure out if people are staring.  They aren't.  They are in their zone or looking around to see if other people are staring at them. 

I see you sweating.  I see your red face.  I see you all covered up and readjusting your clothes. 

I saw you walk in with a gaggle of children following behind you.  It took some planning to get to the gym today, huh?  It wasn't easy.. and this journey won't be either. 

But guess what?  You went!  I saw you sweat!  And you learned something new while you were there.

Maybe you learned that the blue resistance bands are now on your never list.  (Remember, green then red, never blue!) Maybe you learned that you really didn't enjoy that CardioStrength class.  Or maybe you learned that you can complete Day 1 of the 5K trainer program.  I watched you do it all without cheating!!!

And saw you beam into that mirror when you were done.  I saw you walk a little taller when you got off the treadmill.  I saw the text you sent your husband declaring that you had done it!

Hopefully, one day, we will lose track of each other.  As my journey continues, I plan for you to shrink. 

Because I *am* the fat girl at the gym... for now. 

~Stephanie