A Tiny Update...

Our first homestudy appointment is going to be on May 25th. Not exactly the day we hoped for but I'm hopeful that we can get our fingerprinting done after our appointment. Also, we only have to complete two visits for this homestudy instead of three like last time. The 1st appointment last time was really adoption education about the process and our options. We get to skip that this time.

This meeting will be our interviews. The next meeting will be our home visit.

You might have noticed that on the right side of my blog I've added a timeline. Last time it was a bit of a blur trying to remember when each step was completed.

I have a pile of paperwork in my email inbox to fill out and get completed for our appointment on Tuesday!

I can tell you about ONE thing..

You have no idea how hard it is for me to hold a secret. One corner of my lip always curls upwards when I know something and I'm trying to play "dumb." I'd be a horrible poker player.

Anywho, I got word first thing this morning that it happened. My ex-husband signed the paperwork we sent him asking him to terminate his parental rights so that Brandon can adopt DeLainey. It was recieved by our attorney and was notarized.

We filed paperwork this morning for Brandon to adopt DeLainey. The petition was sent and by now it should be sitting on a judge's desk.

I've waited 8 years for this day. Brandon has always wanted to adopt DeLainey. It's caused strife between the inlaws and I because they didn't believe that I had tried to make it happen. They wanted to make sure that Brandon's rights to DeLainey are legally recongized. I get it. But we've tried for years to convince him to sign and he said that he would never do it. I think the exact words were "over my dead, cold body."

I believe that my incredible prayer warriors had something to do with this (you didn't think I kept it completely quiet did you?) and I know that God has given me one of the greatest desires of my heart.

I can't describe the weight that has been lifted now that I know we are so close to legally making it where DeLainey would stay with the one daddy she knows if something were to happen to me.

I can't wait to change her social security card and such... She'll finally OFFICIALLY have our last name. The name that she has always wanted (and even uses in unofficial situations.)

YIPPEE!!!

PS: Lainey thinks it is REALLY cool that she will be "adopted" like Xander even though we've tried to explain that the two situations are somewhat different. Still she is excited! :)

Baby/Children Love is Contagious

So Julianne has prayed for a little sister since we started our first adoption in 2009.

Enter Xander.

She continued to pray for a little sister when I found I was pregnant.

Enter Solomon.

When we told the girls that we are going to start the process to adopt again, Julianne asked "Mommy, are we going to get a girl this time?"

I explained that I didn't know and that we might get a boy (we don't plan to specify gender this time either). Then I told her no matter if our baby is a girl or a boy, we will most certainly get the child God intends for our family.

Her response was:

"Well, Mommy, we could get a girl AND a boy at the same time. I know that is called twins. Wouldn't that be SO much fun? What would we name the little boy?"

I just had to laugh.

Something I can be open about...

May 10th, we (as in all six of us) took an update to our adoption agency for Xander's birthmother. It included pictures from our studio session and just a general letter about Xander's birthday and our spring and Easter.

Our socialworker happened to be in, so the receptionist called down to her office and she met us in the lobby to pick up the pictures. While we were there, she asked if we were still wanting to adopt again. We said "YES!" Then we asked if we would have the agency's blessing to start another homestudy. She said "YES!" We clarified and reminded her that Solomon is not quite one yet.. she said it didn't matter.

WHAT? I know! I've said before on the blog here that we were told that our youngest had to be one in order to start another homestudy. I have no idea what changed (or when it changed) but after hearing we had her blessing we thanked God.

You see... MONTHS ago, I was cruising around some adoption sites I follow and a little baby boy's situation was posted. My heart flip flopped when I saw him. I told Brandon about him. And I've watched him sit there... week after week. Other babies have joined him on the page and then they were matched with their forever families so they were removed. He's still there. His information has been updated... and he still waits.

Brandon and I have been fervently praying for this little one. We pray that his family comes forward. That someone's heart is pricked to his situation. He does have special needs and it will take a special family. But do you know what his greatest need is? A FAMILY. Love. Someone in his corner. Someone who relentlessly advocates for him so he can reach his fullest potential.

I think about him often and pray for him everytime I do.

Are we that family?

I don't know. But I know this. If God has planned for us to be his family, when our homestudy is ready, he will still be waiting for us. Do I want him to have to wait? I don't want him to wait a single day longer than what it takes for his family to come forward.

Each night I pray, "God, if it is YOUR will for us to be his family..." with a lump in my throat.

We hope to get an appointment for May 24th when we call this Monday to start our homestudy. Our old homestudy agency is telling us that they think they could have our homestudy done in 6 weeks. A first meeting of May 24th would allow us to do some paperchasing on May 25th right before we go out of town. It will allow us time to go to the state police office for our fingerprinting and send other forms out. We have to do alot of the paperwork that we did for our first homestudy over again. Would you pray that date works out?

There are moments that I feel frantic to get this all done... But I know from our past adoption, that God has our child picked. He knows what gender our child will be. He knows that child's story. So I just walk a step at a time, faithfully following what He has called us to...

~Stephanie

PS: During our last adoption, we faced the strongest spiritual warfare we have ever experienced. Would you also pray a hedge of protection over our family as we start this process?

Struggling with a lack of transparency...

I'm an all or nothing kind of person. And there are TWO major parts of my life that I can't openly blog about, so I struggle with sharing anything at all.

One I should be able to share soon but the other will take quite some time. Both items have kept me on my knees in prayer. Both have caused massive panic attacks and loss of sleep. Both have brought up painful experiences from my past.

I'm not who I once was. I'm stronger than I once was because I now call upon Jesus Christ in times of need and I lean upon Him for my strength. I will not disobey God even though I can't see what He is doing. It's scary for someone as uptight as me to not know what the outcomes will be. But I trust that God is good and loves me. And I know that He will never leave me.

(I'm sure this sounds like a bit of rambling without knowing the issues. As soon as I can share, I will. I just wanted to explain the sudden inactivity on my blog.)

Happy 2nd Birthday, Xander (An Open Letter)

(Please excuse the lack of spacing, I'm having problems with Blogger.) Xander- Man, I'll never forget waiting for the internet connection to load my very first glimpse of you. I must have refreshed the picture 10 times trying to get it to load. I never imagined on that day that I could love you more than that very second the computer loaded one of the most beautiful faces I've ever seen-- my very first son to call me Mommy. And then I held you the next day. And I never imagined it could get better than holding your tiny self in my arms and rocking so much! I thought we were going to wear out the rocking chair! Thankfully it held up as I rocked you those weeks until your discharge from the hospital. And then, I brought you home! I think about that trip with a lump in my throat. You hated the car... and I wanted nothing more than to hold you tight and assure you it would be okay. We laughed as Daddy drove slow. We prayed through red lights. And as soon as Daddy pulled in, I jumped out of the van and started unfastening your carseat-- the van wasn't even in park yet! With each milestone, I've loved you even more. Each time I think surely I could never love you anymore than I already do! I already cry thinking about the man you are so quickly growing up to be. You are already so strong. You already treat your sisters and Mama with such gentleness. Your "I yo yo" (I love you's!) melt me into a giant puddle of tears several times each day. You've come so far, baby... I can't imagine you one day towering over me. But I know one day you will. I pray you grow into a wonderful leader for your future family yet you maintain your gentleness. I pray you continue to live life with zeal. I hope you always laugh full force. And most of all, I pray you grow to intimately know the God that loves you SO very much! I pray you seek Him with reckless abandon and your heart breaks for the very things that break His. We love you and can't imagine our lives without you. Quite simply, you amaze me son. No matter what, I'll be your mama-- because family is forever. Love ya to the moon and back times infinity, Mama

So frustrated...

I'm SO frustrated with blogger. First the HTML was going crazy and making my posts look very strange and now I'm having trouble posting pictures.

HMPH.

Any advice?