I'm in a funk...

I generally try to keep the attitude of the blog light hearted and fun even if I am a bit sarcastic at times. However, today I'm in a funk. A real funk. An I-want-to-lay-here-and-cry funk.

I just can't believe that a man (term used very loosely in this blog post) can not only walk away from his child, not do what he is legally obligated to in his divorce decree and then suddenly stop paying child support as well. Well.. to be honest, he wasn't paying his child support anyway, his company was doing it on his behalf because he couldn't be trusted to do it himself. I figure he either got laid off or quit, but let's face it.. $50 a WEEK really isn't all that much. And if it were me paying the child support, I'd pick up cans on the side of the road if I had to, to make sure that my child was provided for. (Can you really call it providing for your child if you only contribute $50 a week to your child's welfare? I think not, but that is a rant for another day.)

So once again, Brandon will be there to pick up the slack for someone too sorry to be in Lainey's life, too sorry to provide health insurance like he is obligated to do, too sorry to pay half of her out of pocket medical expenses and yes.. too sorry to send $50 a week child support. Lainey is the one of the few blessings that came out of a terrible relationship. Too bad he can't see that.

So in the meantime, I'll be adjusting the budget spreadsheets to account for ZERO child support from Mr. I'm too SORRY to even call and tell you what is going on or even leave you a working phone number to call me.

Boo.

"Eat from the Pantry" Challenge: SHOPPING DAY

We shop as a family. Yes.. all 5 of us go. It hasn't always been that way but right now it is a matter of necessity. I used to shop with the three children on my own and shop for an entire month and then do three weekly trips for milk, bread and produce. So this is "light duty" if you will to have Brandon go with me. In order to make it where Brandon could accompany me I had to make our list for 10 days.

So we packed up, grabbed our envelope and list and headed out.

I think we did GREAT!

We spent $ 44.69.

Remaining January Grocery Budget: $255.31
Remaining Shopping Trips in January: 3

THE MENU

F 1 Collards, Sausage, Rice, Black Eyed Peas, Cornbread, served with Pepper Vinegar
S 2 Pasta Fagoili
S 3 Leftovers
M 4 Ham, scalloped potatoes, green beans
T 5 15 bean soup (use frozen ham bone)
W 6 Slow Cooker Chicken Parmesan served with a Garden Salad
T 7 Shake and Bake pork chops, yellow rice, broccoli, sofrito beans
F 8 Chicken Pot pie
S 9 Vegetable Beef Soup
S 10 Leftovers

Our breakfast menu will be the same:

Monday- Baked Oatmeal Squares
Tuesday- Eggs, toast and sometimes sausage or bacon
Wednesday- Cold cereal, milk and apple or banana
Thursday- Cold cereal, milk and apple or banana
Friday- Cold cereal, milk and apple or banana
Saturday- Cold cereal, milk and apple or banana
Sunday- Muffins

"Eat from the Pantry" Challenge: THE RULES and THE PLAN

I've come up with my goals for the January Challenge. A few of my friends are taking part and I've decided to join the bandwagon.

Unfortunately, due to quite a bit of morning sickness, holiday hectic-ness, and a stomach virus, shopping has been bare essentials so I'm not sure how much I really have to use up. LOL

MY RULES

1. Shop only 4 times in the month of January. This will allow us to buy fresh milk, bread and produce at least weekly. I can't store more than about a week's worth at this point of refridgerated items so that is my limit.

2. Spend NO MORE than $300 on our groceries for the month. (This is excluding baby formula, household needs, tolietries, etc since those are separate envelopes in the Bee household for you Dave Ramsey folks.) So I have 4 eaters really.

3. Adhere to our eating out budget. It's $25 because we have some other things to take care of this month. We also have some giftcards from Christmas that I'm NOT including in the $25.

If you want to join the challenge, make your rules and c'mon!

THE PLAN

I first went into our pantry, cabinets, freezer and refridgerator to see what we have to work with. I found quite a bit in the side dish department but I had very little for meat.
I made my list, checked it twice, looked at the ads and changed some things around. Tomorrow is shopping day!
I'll report back with what I spent... One thing is for sure, we have to come in under budget because we are using cash! Funny how that works huh?

Battling Fear...

I have to actively battle fear. Deep down I'm a 'fraidy cat and it just seems to be getting worse the older I am. Maybe it is because I am starting to realize just how precious life is and how much I still have left to do here.

Satan has always chosen to attack my thoughts around my parenting, child raising, and my children. He knows that my children are my heart and well... a very vulnerable spot in my heart. The most recent subject he has started to attack is our decision on a repeat csection vs. VBAC (v*ginal birth after c-section.) I desire a VBAC and am a candidate. I birthed DeLainey v*ginally and had a planned c-section for Julianne because she had her cord wrapped around her neck among other issues. I also was seeing one of the most csection happy doctors in the area I lived in. (Word to the wise, check your doctors stats and if they are out of line with the national norm, start asking questions.)

Neither one of my birthing experiences were wonderful, magical or any of the other words I've heard used for childbirth. I had several rude medical professionals cross my path each time. I was stressed, nervous, in pain (yes for both!), and just well, not anything beautiful or magical or anything like that.

Recently I've been doubting if I can do either. Which is well, laughable because the baby has to come out one way or the other right? Yes.. after giving birth twice I still doubt I can do it.

And then I logged into my favorite parenting site ever and read what a dear friend posted. She said that a friend emailed it to her. What a timely message for me!

Praying Scripture for my Unborn Child

"Father, in Jesus’ name, I thank You for my unborn child. I know this child is a gift from You.

I commit this child to You, Father and ask that he will grow and call me blessed.

You have made me a joyful mother of children. I am blessed with a heritage from You as my reward.

My child is created in Your image and it is in You that my child lives and moves and has his being. I ask Your blessing upon him or her.

Your grace is sufficient for me through this pregnancy. Thank you for strengthening my weakness.

I cast all my care and burden of this pregnancy over on You, Lord, for You care for me. I put on the whole armor of God so that I may be able to stand against the tricks and traps of the devil. I recognize that my fight is not with flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers and the rulers of darkness and spiritual wickedness in high places. God, help me to stand, above all, taking the shield of faith and being able to quench the attacks of the devil with Your mighty power. Help me to stand in faith during this pregnancy and birth, not giving any room to fear, but possessing power, love and a sound mind.

Perfect Love casts out fear. You are that perfect Love. I am not afraid because I am fixed and trusting upon You, Father. Help me to think on good things.

Heavenly Father, You are my refuge. I trust You during this pregnancy and childbirth. I thank You that You have put angels at watch over me and my unborn child.

Would you please bless us with a liberal amount of Your wisdom for the decisions that are to be made?

And may the peace of God, which passes all understanding, keep my heart and mind through Christ Jesus.

I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. When I acknowledge you in all my ways, You will direct my path.

I praise You and thank you, in Jesus’ name, Amen."

Scriptures used: Ps. 127:3; Prov.31:28; Ps. 113:9; Ps. 127:3; Gen 1:26; Acts 17:28a; I Pet.5:7; II Cor.12:9; Eph. 6:11, 12,16; 2 Tim. 1:7; I John 4:18; Phil. 4:8; Ps. 91:2, 11; James1:5,6a; Phil. 4:7; Pro. 3:5,6



Each time the doubt creeps in, I pray this prayer. I've prayed it several times in a row at times. Either way.. repeat csection or VBAC, God already knows the outcome and has it planned.

Thank you Father, for giving me these precious words to hold onto. I pray I stand on the truths that You've sent for us in the Word. Thank you for the awesome blessing of motherhood and yet another baby to raise to know You.

4 out of 5 Bee's had the Stomach Bug...

On Christmas Day... 'nuff said.

The Best (Early) Christmas Gift Ever!

Wednesday morning I was struggling. The night before I had gone on a mad cleaning/nesting spree (which is common for me even when not expecting) and I think I really over did it. In fact, even though Brandon has made me swear to not lift anything heavier than Xander and I kept my word, I was stiff when I woke up and the back of my arms burned. It's a familiar burn for me. I'm so short that when I do things in the closet and have my hands over my head for extended periods of time, the back of my arms burn the next day. On top of burning arms, the back of my legs were stiff and when I thought back, I wondered if maybe I shouldn't have pushed that box across the floor with my legs. *OOPS* Add in not much sleep because Xander had a stomach bug and vomited, multiple linen changes in the nursery, and sciatic pain that makes sleeping on my left hip a bear.. have I mentioned I'm NOT a morning person at all and that Wednesdays are REALLY my Monday's if I follow Brandon's work schedule and yeah.. Wednesday morning wasn't pretty!

But I drug myself down the stairs, made breakfast for the kiddos, fed Xander his bottle and had just settled in for some computer time with my caffeinated beverage of choice these days, the mini can of Pepsi. I was trying to make a game plan for the day but couldn't even form a coherent sentence... when the phone rang. It was Brandon calling from his cell but he was at the office. This is such a rare occurrence (especially in the morning) that I thought something had to be wrong.

I answered.. and I'll keep private what my husband said I sounded like. (It wasn't very flattering that is for sure! ) But I could tell he was excited about something. He asked if I wanted an early Christmas gift and when I said sure, he told me that Xander's decree of adoption finalization was signed the day before. It's official. His adoption is complete and nothing can change it!

I've held strong in my faith that this would happen but after watching faaaar too many Lifetime Movies in well.. my lifetime, that every now and then a little piece of doubt would creep in. And all of that was wiped away with that one little sentence that Brandon called to tell me.

It's official!

I'm thrilled... We are so blessed. Our adoption journey went SO incredibly fast and smooth that it is really hard to believe sometimes. When we started our journey we braced ourselves for trials and some heartache but it couldn't have gone better!

If any of my readers have questions about adoption, please feel free to contact me and ask. I've been asked a lot of questions about our adoption journey (and our infertility journey) so nothing really can catch me off guard anymore. I'm sure I asked some doozies when I started walking this path but I've had great mentors that were patient and understanding and I soaked up all they could share. I truly hope to continue that cycle and give back to other potential adoptive parents in the same fashion. I plan to share the steps that we went through in order to adopt Xander. In the meantime, I'm getting our paperwork straight for adoption #2. Cause you know.. you can't ignore a calling. ;)

Snow, Pizza and Dave Ramsey...

Last Saturday morning we woke up to a thick blanket of snow outside and Brandon suddenly decided that we were going to go out to eat for lunch. *snicker* So he headed outside to dig our van out and the girls climbed into the love seat to peek out the window and give Momma the play by play of Daddy vs. Snow. Even they could see that Daddy wasn't winning and Brandon came in and announced that we weren't going anywhere for lunch. And then he got a pizza craving. So he called around and found out that Papa Johns and Pizza Hut were both delivering. We like Pizza Hut just a touch better and they had a better special so Brandon ordered while the girls were playing outside in the snow.



The girls didn't last long, so they came in and I changed their clothes and settled in for a snowed in day. The pizza man arrived, Brandon tipped him generously and we started making plates. It was Lainey's turn to pray over our meal.. and this is what we heard:



"Dear God... thank you for our food let it nourish our bodies, and protect our baby in mama's belly... oh and please bless the pizza man that came and brought us pizza in the snow. In Jesus' name, Amen."



And then she remarked, "Momma... do you think he is a Dave Ramsey listener too?" Puzzled I said, "Honey, why do you think he listens to Dave?" (Yes.. Dave and I are on a first name basis. LOL) "Well," she said, eating pizza between her thoughts, "Only a true Gazelle would deliver pizza in the snow."



Yes, honey... now that you've explained, perhaps he is a Dave Ramsey listener.



Thank you Father, for my insightful children that consistently keep me on my toes. Thank you that you've introduced us to Dave and that my 6 year old gets it. And yes, please bless that pizza delivery man through his journey today and in his future.