Blindsided...

Example of a Cafe au Lait Birthmark

We were blindsided today. Today Xander had his pediatric gastroenterology appointment. I figured it would be a general intake appointment... you know.. give medical history, talk about symptoms and dietary habits. And then the doctor would order blood work and testing. So instead of dragging four children to a medical appointment to be crammed into a too small room, and possibly be distracting, I stayed home with Lainey, Julianne and Solomon.

But things didn't quite go as we expected.

All of the above happened. And Brandon was also given three referrals that we need to follow up with.

One is an allergist. We figured that was going to happen. We know of three food allergens already. So it is a possibility that there is something he is eating that we haven't realized is a culprit.

Brandon got orders for blood work (FIVE tubes!) and set up a time for a (sedated) endoscopy.

And then Dr. V saw Xander's birthmarks. Xander has a Cafe au Lait spot on his arm. He's had it since birth-- well.. at least since he was a week old, since that is when we were matched.

But recently it has gotten bigger and he's had new spots show up. But since we knew what they were, we didn't think much of it.

Dr. V grew very concerned. He says that Cafe Au Lait marks that are getting larger or becoming greater in number can be a symptom of Neurofibromotosis.

Blindsided.. right there in our livingroom when Brandon called to report back.

The tears flowed. I shook and felt like I was going to be sick. The room started to spin. I called my aunt and she couldn't even understand what I was saying. I repeated myself over and over until she could put the pieces together. Eventually I could speak intelligibly.

When Brandon got home, he told me that Xander sang "How Great is our God" the whole way home.

We might have been blindsided, but God wasn't. God knew and He isn't leaving.

Let's look back and see how far God has brought our baby boy:

His birthmom made an adoption plan for him instead of aborting him.

He survived his birth and withdrawal.

He was matched with parents that continue to push him instead of using his birth circumstances as excuses for him not to try his best.

He was spared from contracting Hepatitis C.

He has shown NO developmental delays.

God's hand in Xander's life is apparent. And I'm choosing to cling to that as we pray about the journey ahead.

Clinging,

Stephanie

Dear God...

Dear God,

I know a lot of people write to Santa this time of year, but I believe in You, not Santa. I've seen You do amazing things and I'm hoping for some extra Christmas cheer this year.

I'm super thankful for my children, but is there anyway that You could give us good news before Christmas? As I watch the days tick by, I've come to grips with the fact that most likely, we will not have a new blessing this year, but could we at least have some news about a match? Or maybe just a glimmer of something so we know that we are still on the right path?

We've continued to inquire about some children without committing ourselves to any one agency and we've not heard much back. I check my voicemail and email like a maniac and nearly had a panic attack when I realized that my cell phone rode in the car with Brandon to work today. And then I overheard a conversation today that was like a knife in my heart.

I love You and I want You to have the glory. In Your most precious Son's name, Amen.

Tearfully,

Steph

Comments

I think I finally figured out the comment issue that seems to have been a common theme.

Hopefully everyone can comment. If you do choose to comment under Anonymous try to leave me your first name. :)

~Stephanie

Thanksgiving 2011

While this Thanksgiving isn't what we pictured just a few short months ago, I still have a lot to be thankful for.

A- Annalise: She taught me that we are willing to jump whatever hoops it takes for our children. Even if it doesn't work out the way we hoped, Brandon and I jumped and were willing to continue. She opened our eyes to more special needs.

B- Brandon: I am super blessed with a loving husband that extends grace on a regular basis. He knows exactly how to keep me together and somewhat sane. ;)

C- Christ: Years later, I'm still astonished that Jesus Christ died for little ol' me.

D- DeLainey: The one who made me a Mama at nineteen years old. I wasn't sure I was able to be a mom-- or a single mom. But she gave me the strength to persevere a lot and made me realize how strong I could really be.

E- Egg Drop Soup: My old faithful, comfort food. Yum!

F- Friends: I have the best friends a girl could ask for. I'm blessed with old friends that I've reconnected with, long term friends and new friends.

G- Gloria Jean's Hazelnut Coffee: My favorite brew in our new Keurig. The appliance was supposed to be Brandon's new toy but we use it about equally.

H- Homeschooling: I am thankful everyday that homeschooling is legal in the United States. It has been a huge blessing witnessing my children learn and I'm thankful that they are getting a Christian education.

I- Internet: I have no idea what I would do without the internet. If I had to guess, I'd approximate that I google about 10 things a day. I use the internet to glean ideas, stay in touch and research tons of things.

J- Julianne: We ached for a baby together and finally our deepest desire was granted. The pregnancy was very rough and I spent several months on bedrest and many hours in various medical offices for the different specialists that helped keep us safe. She was worth it all.

K- (Auntie) Karon: Auntie Karon has played a major role in my life. She started out as my mother's best friend but over the years she has really become more of a mother to me. She is one of my best friends, one of my confidantes, and fills a grandmotherly role in my children's lives.

L- Life: I've had a few scares in the past that leave me always thankful for my life and good health.

M- MOMYS: Mothers of Many Young Siblings. These ladies are the sweetest, nicest group of women. They regularly remind me to put on my big girl panties and try again. I've gleaned such amazing answers to logistical problems from them and they are the ones that were my cheerleaders for nursing Solomon.

N- Natalie: Our new babysitter. We got a date night for the first time in... um... forever! We didn't scare her off with our four children and is willing to return. Score one for Ma and Pa!

O- Ovulation: It isn't a given in my life. 'nuff said!

P- Prayer: I'm thankful that I can pray no matter where I am. Sometimes I pray aloud, and sometimes I pray silently. Sometimes I pray a long prayer and sometimes I pray one word requests ("Help!") But God is always there.

Q- Quilts: I had a grand idea to use some of Brandon's old dress shirts to make quilts and my Auntie Karon made it happen. The children love snuggling under theirs and I love mine too.

R- Richmond: A place that tested my patience for quite sometime. But once I got past the rough spots, I fell in love. Right now I can't imagine living anywhere else. But I've also learned to never say never.

S- Solomon: Our laid back, observant "bonus" baby boy. He still prefers mama and is pretty stubborn and vocal about it. It's very funny coming from such a laid back fellow.

T- Tools: I used a power tool for the first time yesterday and I had no idea I'd love it as much as I did! Lookout world!

U- Umbrellas: Whoever thought that up, is a genius in my eyes. I hate getting rained on!

V- Vacation: We've been on three vacations in the last 12 months. We made amazing memories and enjoyed spending time together. 2012 has no vacations on the docket. :(

W- Women's Bible Study: I learn so much every time I go (even if I haven't read my assignment.. ahem!) I've gotten to know the women in my new church at a deeper level through our study.

X- Xander: My first son. My *very* busy toddler with the cheesiest smile I've ever seen. Our adoption that went so smoothly that there isn't a way to explain it, other than to say that God's fingerprints were all over the process.

Y- Yes ma'ams: There is very little that can make my heart melt like a well timed yes ma'am. Xander has finally gotten the hang of ma'ams-- everything was sir!

Z- Zany jokes: I think I'd heard every Laffy Taffy joke and Knock Knock joke out there. But I love the laughter that ensues. I vowed that my children would grow up with laughter in their home and so far, so good!

Thankful for Him,

~Stephanie

DeLainey's Orthopedic Adventures

(Lainey loopy pre-surgery..)

I've been meaning to write about our adventures with the girls orthopedic interventions.

Here goes!

As mentioned before Lainey was scheduled for surgery on October 13th to have her gastroc muscle released.

She was a little naive about surgery and what would happen. But in her usual happy go lucky way she made it through.

She drank some meds that made her loopy and she was wheeled to the OR. They did her IV after she was out. Thank Goodness!!

And then we waited... and waited. The surgery was estimated to take about 45 minutes to an hour which to my impatient self meant "forty five minutes, Mom!"

So I got antsy when it was really an hour. Right as I asked Brandon to ask for an update, we saw Lainey's orthopedist, Dr. K.

She said it went really well and that in few minutes we'd be escorted to recovery.

Lainey was still very sleepy. Her big blue eyes looked like Dopey. They crossed and went different directions and did all kind of silly things! The first thing she asked for was something to drink. (That apple didn't fall far from the ol' tree!)

She was in a good bit of pain, so it took a little while to get that under control and just like that, we wheeled her out of the hospital in a wheelchair and after a little drama got her into the van. She was very scared to put pressure on her legs at all and that caused a few alligator tears to roll out. The casting was also stretching out her hamstring muscles which wasn't exactly pleasant.

She asked for an adult Chic-Fil-A combo and we obliged. Then we parked her on the couch and she requested to watch Extreme Home Makeover.

She dozed in and out of sleep that night and only stayed on the pain medicine (tylenol with codeine!!!) for a few days. Sleeping was the only thing that was super challenging because she had to wear braces on her knees that kept her legs completely extended.

After a few days she was able to hobble around. After 4 weeks she had her casts taken off. Her poor skin looked rough (eczema and some skin breakdown too) and the incision had no closed completely. This worked in her favor and instead of getting another set of casts, she got two soft cast boots that can be removed for bathing. She was much happier especially when she found out she didn't have to wear the knee extender while she slept.

~Stephanie

PS: Did you notice the non-skid part of her hospital socks are on the tops of her feet? Oh yeah.. did I mention she was really, really loopy? She said they had to be on top so they could look at her. ;)

No news.. is no news...

The last time I spoke to the adoption lawyer she told me that another family was in the process of meeting the requirement to adopt the little boy we inquired about.

She said that she would know within 2 days if it was going to work out for them and if it fell through she would call us.

And the phone hasn't rang.

So we have no news.

Honestly, we are thrilled for the little boy.

But we are sad.

Thanksgiving 2011 will look much different than we had planned. This Thanksgiving is Annalise's first Thanksgiving and we looked forward to celebrating with her. But we won't be able to.

We are trying our best to temper the sadness by reminding ourselves that we have much to be thankful for. I have four great children, an amazing husband, a warm cozy home. My husband is gainfully employed. We have the freedom to worship our amazing God. But in the quiet moments a lump rises in my throat as I walk past our empty baby swing, or our unused changing table.. and I realize that there is an empty spot in our family and in our hearts.

Some days the tears stream down my face freely.. other days I seem okay.

But we will make it through this too. Even in the sadness we are learning so much.

~Stephanie

A Less Cryptic Message

My last post was intentionally cryptic. Unfortunately, I have to be that way until we know everything and have made some decisions. What I can say is that the direction that our family is headed, is changing and it will be quite a surprise to most of our friends and family.

As usual, I'll share more when I am able.

I can tell you something else though. Brandon and I submitted our adoption profile for a little boy yesterday. It was a very hard day emotionally. But I don't think waiting longer would have made it any easier.

I found myself bargaining with God. Have you ever done that? I caught myself saying "Okay God, I see the way that You've presented this information to us, and after prayer, we feel like we are supposed to send our information in. But this time? When we are obedient to You.. errr...again... can You try really hard to make this work? Can You spare us more pain and brokenheartedness?"

I know alot of people don't admit to trying to bargain with God. But I made a commitment when I started this blog that what I am, is what you get. A learning human. And humans really don't like to hurt. We tend to not like pain and tend to do what we can to avoid it.

I immediately felt convicted for trying to bargain with God. And after a lot of prayer and tears, I changed my prayer. Instead I was saying "God, I feel You've shown us this little boy for a reason. I don't know if we are only meant to pray for him. Or if we are to ultimately become his parents. I know that most roads worth traveling are not easy. But we trust You. We love You. And we are so excited to see what You have for us."

And then peace swept over me.

I'll say it again. This is God's adoption. Sure we are the people filling out paperwork, networking, etc but ultimately God knows who is meant to be the next Bee. So we wait. And we hope.

Electricity Flowing

I can't share much right now but there is a tiny bit of movement here in the Bee Household. You can almost feel the electricity in that air!

If you think of us, would you pray for us on Monday afternoon? I'll announce as soon as we have something to announce. :)

I'm so thankful for every one of you that pray for us even during times that I can share so little. It is truly appreciated.

I have much more to share but I need to get some pictures first. The Bees have been busy with service projects and we've done some rearranging to make our modest rental home work for our lifestyle. I still love our last floor plan so much more, but the location and the privacy of this home is what grabbed our attention.

I'll write more soon!

Stephanie