Dear God...

Dear God,

I know a lot of people write to Santa this time of year, but I believe in You, not Santa. I've seen You do amazing things and I'm hoping for some extra Christmas cheer this year.

I'm super thankful for my children, but is there anyway that You could give us good news before Christmas? As I watch the days tick by, I've come to grips with the fact that most likely, we will not have a new blessing this year, but could we at least have some news about a match? Or maybe just a glimmer of something so we know that we are still on the right path?

We've continued to inquire about some children without committing ourselves to any one agency and we've not heard much back. I check my voicemail and email like a maniac and nearly had a panic attack when I realized that my cell phone rode in the car with Brandon to work today. And then I overheard a conversation today that was like a knife in my heart.

I love You and I want You to have the glory. In Your most precious Son's name, Amen.

Tearfully,

Steph

Cancelled...

Yesterday, I did something that I prayed I wouldn't have to do.

I had to call and cancel Annalise's appointments. When we matched in July, I was given a list of specialists that we would need to set up appointments with. I was never given any dates for when Annalise would be coming home but was asked to find specialists and set up care with them.

So I guessed. I thought surely, surely, by September Annalise would be home.

That first appointment was scheduled on Friday, September 9th. And we've had to come to grips with the fact that she won't be home by then.

And then, I had to cancel the appointment at CHoP, for next week.

We are bummed. I've cried. But our hands are tied. We have done everything that has been asked of us.

I'm not losing hope. I know deep down, that God can still do it. He can. And as much as I want to believe that He will.. I have to be realistic and say that right now it doesn't look like she will be here in time.

I'm brokenhearted and I've cried buckets. Buckets and buckets of tears.

And I'd do it all again- over and over. She is worth it. She matters.

~Steph

Trying to keep busy...

I've been trying to use my nervous energy to actually accomplish something. (Ya know.. other than pinning inspiration on my Pinterest boards and eating chocolate!)

I started to redo our file system the other day, and my labelmaker died. I can't organize without a labelmaker!

Yesterday, I got a new one and so last night I redid our filing system. Instead of having it in a traditional file folder system, I put everything in a large binder. It took some time and patience but I got it done and it feels great to have it done.

I have a few more little projects to work on. I still have printing to do. I still have to type our Notice of Intent to homeschool (times 2!!) We've made our hotel reservations for our trip to visit Annalise. I have to pack (times 6).... I have some sewing to do that I've put off for far too long.

And yet all I REALLY want to do is rock our new baby. I want to study her face. I want to sniff her little head and ask a jillion questions about her routine, her likes and dislikes and her healthcare.

Still waiting,

Stephanie

Tiny droplets of blessings...

4:59 on Friday afternoon is a moment of dread for every adoptive parent out there. It means your agency is about to close and except for rare occasions you don't hear anything until the office opens again on Monday.

However, this weekend was different. Friday evening I felt defeated and I spent a good amount of time in prayer asking God to please help me to stand the waiting.

Saturday I was shocked to find an email from our adoption coordinator in my inbox! It was confirming our travel dates to visit with Annalise and her foster family. It was a little droplet of encouragement and we counted it as a blessing.

So imagine my surprise when I got another email this evening, answering some questions I had typed asking for more information about Annalise. I sent the email on Friday afternoon and knew it had to go through the proper chain (our coordinator, foster coordinator, foster family and then all the way back!) so I wasn't expecting it back quickly. And yet it came. :)

Another tiny droplet to keep me going...

These tiny crumbs are helping the time pass more quickly.

But I think I've also worn this song out...

Praising and serving Him as we wait,

Stephanie

PS: Brandon and I moved our church letter this morning to the church we've been attending the last couple of months. This is a HUGE milestone after 2.5 years of searching for a church home and visiting a ton of churches (I lost count when we hit the 20's.) To my Warren readers- I have to say, you raised the bar very high! We love you and miss you! It was definitely a bittersweet moment but it feels good to settle in.