Torn...

I'm back.  I went to the preschool tour this morning even though I tried to justify not going... again.

"Sigh... nothing is going right this morning, surely this must be a sign that I am needed here at home?"

"No one can really agree on his diagnosis.  And this is a program for children with autism spectrum disorders."

"I am a homeschooler.  I can teach my own children, thankyouverymuch."

"If I trusted God more to guide me and listened, I could do this on my own."

"Why would God call me to homeschool two and then put the third in a private preschool?"

"Do I really mean it when Brandon and I say that we school our children the way they need it (individually)? Or is that the pretty answer we say so we don't look like intolerant homeschoolers?"

"I'm weary.  I've gone round and round with the public school system and not gotten anywhere.  Do I have the energy for this?  Or will this be the straw that breaks the camel's back when it comes to my mental stability?"  (Halfway joking about that by the way.)

Yeah... living in my head isn't much fun right now. 

But I went. 

And it wasn't as bad as I imagined.  I didn't sob as I spoke of our difficulties.  The director and the ABA specialist didn't bat an eyelash when I described his behaviors.  They didn't blame our large family or our discipline or homeschooling our girls. 

It is a place of hope and the most individualized program I have ever seen.

Is it right for us?  I'm not sure. 

There are a few things that we would need to figure out logistically.  For example:  Right now there are no open seats.  But two may be opening downtown.  They are also projecting a new program opening in the county we are moving to. 

We'd have to figure out transportation since we have been a one vehicle family since we sold Brandon's car to cut our expenses and raise some funds for Xander's adoption way back in 2009.

We have a few hoops to jump for admission.  But we all know how I've become an expert hoop jumper right? 

And then there is the (overwhelming) cost to contend with.  We'd have to have our insurance pick up the bill to even consider it.  (The "school" is therapeutic ABA therapy not academic so medical insurance can fund it.)   Let's just say, I could go back to work and I'd be hardpressed to GROSS what the one year of tuition costs. 

*gulp* 

Will you join us in prayer?  Prayer for wisdom.  Prayer for our path to become clear.

~Stephanie