Book Review: What He Must Be... by Voddie Baucham Jr.

What He Must Be... If he Wants to Marry my Daughter is book that Voddie Baucham Jr has written and dedicated to his daughter, Jasmine. It's a book about a multi-generational vision, the ministry of marriage, the father's role and then the qualities that he feels his future son-in-law should have. He also addresses the lack of young men that have these specific qualities and offers some solutions.

I thought this book offered practical wisdom. I read this book in slowly over time because I thought it was very meaty and I wanted to take it all in. I often found myself thinking about it later as I did chores and discussing bits of it with Brandon. I'm going to encourage Brandon to read this book as well. I thought there were alot of good points in this book and enjoyed reading it as the mother of both sons and daughters. Perhaps one day, we will ask our children to read it and we'll discuss it together.

I've been bitten....

....by the Spring Fever bug. The weather has been beautiful lately and it makes it hard to focus for more than about three seconds consecutively.

I was in so much pain (hips, legs, back, neck) that Brandon called around and spoke with several chiropractor offices and finally found one he felt comfortable sending his pregnant wife to. I had my first appointment yesterday.

Oh me, oh my.

I felt amazingly better by the time I left the office. I've neglected my chiropractic care since we moved here November 30, 2008! My hip and leg pain had gotten so bad that I couldn't roll over in bed without crying out in pain and it's been that bad for the entire pregnancy. Falling down the stairs with Xander in my arms had only irritated my back more. Last night was the first night I've been able to roll over in relative ease. There is still some pain, but it is a ton better. I have another appointment on Friday, so hopefully I'll be in tip top shape soon!

When I got home, though.. the fever had hit. I rarely leave the house on days that Brandon works since we are a one car (ahem van) family. But after driving to the chiropractor and back, I had a joy riding bug and an intense craving for Mexican food being eaten while sitting on a patio. We rushed to get out the door and load the kids up, but with Richmond traffic, by the time we got to the restaurant, the sun had gone down too much for a comfortable dinner on the patio.

After dinner, we drove around looking at some new to us neighborhoods. One thing is for sure, wherever and whenever we buy, Brandon will have a longer commute. I don't want a cookie cutter house on a tiny, steeply sloped yard with my neighbors right on top of us. So we'll have to leave the West End. It doesn't really bother me since we are now attending church and shopping south of the river. (Quick side note, when you are from Augusta, GA going "across the river" doesn't really bother you, you just do it without thought. Here people *gasp* because we attend church in another county and travel down the interstate and across the river to get there. You'd think it was *so far* away! In reality it's about a 20ish minute drive and we find better customer service out there.)

While we were out joyriding, Julianne loudly told her Daddy "We have to go home to watch American Yidol (Idol), it's boy night and Andrew Garcia is on!" Um... anyone else concerned that my 3 year old is OBSESSED with AI and Andrew Garcia? She can't name ONE of the female contestants "Mommy they really aren't *that* good this year!" but can name several of the male contestants. I have a feeling teenage years may be interesting with this one. ;)

Another funny story: Julianne was totally cracking us up after dinner and Brandon looks at me and says "Where did we get this kid?" Without missing a beat, Julianne announces "You got me from BJ's! I was FOUR DOLLARS, remember?" Dear child, we did NOT get you from BJ's (a warehouse store like Sam's or Costco.) God blessed my womb after several years of trying for you, baby girl. And since I was high risk, I saw several specialists weekly during my pregnancy and just ONE copay was more than $4. You are my most expensive child to date. ;) But you are SO loved and well worth all of the blood, sweat and tears we put into getting you safely here.

Dear Father, thank you for my children. They've each joined my life under different circumstances but in Your perfect timing. Thank you for the change in seasons, and the new green life I'm seeing outside. It makes my heart sing after a very long, rough winter. Thank you for the entertainment that each of my children provide.. and the awesome opportunity that you've given me to share the blessings you've given us. I love that you aren't a God of statistics. Statistically, the world says Brandon and I shouldn't be married still but we are. We are happy and pray for many more years together! Our diagnoses were supposed to make having ONE child difficult. And I'm now the blessed, thrilled mama of (almost) four here on Earth and two that are with you. Thank you for their personalities, Lord. They are all so very different and I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what you have planned for their lives. In the meantime, I'm thankful for arms that squeeze my neck for bear hugs, chubby hands that rest in mine, and sweet lips that give me kisses (even if they leave some slobbers behind) and all the funny stories...

~Steph

True Love

(The picture above is one of my favorite pictures of both Brandon and I. It was taken at the San Diego Zoo in April of 2006 with his District Manager at the time. Oh! And that is Julianne in my very large tummy.)

I think I'm an abundantly blessed young woman. (That sounds funny.. I typically call myself a girlie... Let's try that again!) I think I'm an abundantly blessed girlie. I have a great life although it isn't "perfect," I do recognize that it is great.

One area that I feel is very blessed is my marriage. It wasn't easy, but we've been through some hard times and came out closer, stronger and more connected in the end.

You see, Brandon has loved me even when he felt unloved. I'm ashamed to admit that looking back, I didn't fully take my marriage vows as seriously as I should have. I had a TERRIBLE, failed marriage in my past and I was jaded. I didn't really believe in "til death due us part" or "forever." In addition, my mother had been married three times and had a quite dysfunctional marriage for 13 years of my life. (They've since divorced.) I spent the first few years of our marriage with a Plan B in my back of my head. And I often said "When he leaves.... " I had no successful marriage models to look to and honestly didn't believe that marriages could last anymore.

I tested, I pushed him away, I got snippy with him and raised my voice. I threw verbal low blows in an attempt to get a reaction. Friends, I am SO ashamed of my behavior for the beginning of my marriage. And yet, he loved me, he kept a quiet voice with me and he rarely reacted to my verbal low blows. He gently reminded me that he was in this for the long haul.. and if anyone was going to leave, it would have to be me, because he was going to be stubborn and stick it out. He meant his vows and took them to heart. I was his wife and the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

I look back and am just in awe. Would I have stayed married to me if I were him? Probably not. And yet.. here we are in our 5th year or marriage.. excited to celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary on April 4. And yet, I can clearly see what the turning point was for our marriage.

In 2007, I did a Bible Study called For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men By Shaunti Feldhahn.

I did the study at a very hard time in my marriage... things were tense and felt very shaky... we had just been through a miscarriage and we were being pulled in a thousand different directions. Add in that neither of us are from homes with successful, lasting marriages but what the world saw as strong, independent mothers, and we were really blind and trying to feel our way around.

As I cracked open the book for the first night of homework, I immediately disagreed with the first chapter. I thought it was WRONG and when I asked Brandon and he answered the way the book said it was AND the Bible says it is (love vs. respect) I cried my eyes out and realized at that exact moment just how unloved he had felt. And it dawned on me.. If I had felt unloved for that long, would I still have been there by his side? I cried face down in the carpet in our study.. and right then our marriage changed for the better.

It was that very moment that I realized just how much Brandon really loved me. He WAS in this for the long haul. He'd told me over and over, yet at that very moment I realized that he had showed me over and over as well.

That Bible Study was a turning point in my life and marriage. I highly recommend it! It doesn't really matter how long you've been married... I sat next to women in that class that had been married for 25 years. I'm pretty sure you'll glean something out of the book. In fact, Brandon and I have talked about encouraging our girls to read it before they are married.

I've since changed my ways and apologized immensely to my husband for my terrible actions those first few years. And he has forgiven me and never brought them up again.

One of the things that our facilitator recommended was to keep a list of ways we know our husband loves us. Although I think that Valentine's Day is a huge marketing scheme by Hallmark, I figured I'd share just a few ways that I know that Brandon loves me.

- Brandon loves me enough to gently tell me when I'm wrong or when there is a better way to get something done. He holds me to our convictions even when I get weary and think things are "too hard" or when I say that I'm "tired" of being "so different." He doesn't correct me or confront me in public because he is very mindful of my feelings and would never embarrass me.

- Brandon picks his battles. In general, he doesn't care what we have for dinner, or what the children wear. The things he does voice an opinion about, I've learned are things that are very important to him and I try very hard to honor that.

- Brandon gets up every morning and goes to work. My husband went to work with WALKING PNEUMONIA once! He has never played hooky from work, and in almost 6 years of marriage, I can count on one hand how many times he's called out. He is a wonderful provider for our (growing) family.

- Brandon prays for me every.single.day. I've accidentally overheard his prayers for me... and they are the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful things I've ever heard!

- Brandon does everything in his power to protect our marriage and trusts me to do the same. We do not have secrets. We have an open door policy on email accounts, facebook, text messages, phone calls etc. We are never alone with the opposite sex. We avoid even the appearance of evil. Rumors hurt and can start to cause mistrust. If there is a situation that could be misconstrued, we come to each other and explain before it has a chance to linger or grow into something else.

- Brandon often jumps right in with whatever is going on when he comes home. Even after a 10 hour shift.

- Brandon knows me well enough to know when I'm fibbing when he asks what is wrong and I say "Nothing." He often can tell what is going on in our home, when he calls, just by the way I answer the phone.

- Brandon tells me every day that I'm a great mother, wife and friend, even when I struggle with my roles.

- Brandon has shown me Biblical Love. Not the Romanticized Love that is shown in children's storybooks and the media. I pray that each of my children find Biblical Love and that they each know how seriously Brandon and I take our vows. Our marriage isn't easy...but it is SO worth it! Brandon and I pray often that we are an example of a successful marriage for our children and that we change our family tree.