Happy 2nd Birthday, Xander (An Open Letter)

(Please excuse the lack of spacing, I'm having problems with Blogger.) Xander- Man, I'll never forget waiting for the internet connection to load my very first glimpse of you. I must have refreshed the picture 10 times trying to get it to load. I never imagined on that day that I could love you more than that very second the computer loaded one of the most beautiful faces I've ever seen-- my very first son to call me Mommy. And then I held you the next day. And I never imagined it could get better than holding your tiny self in my arms and rocking so much! I thought we were going to wear out the rocking chair! Thankfully it held up as I rocked you those weeks until your discharge from the hospital. And then, I brought you home! I think about that trip with a lump in my throat. You hated the car... and I wanted nothing more than to hold you tight and assure you it would be okay. We laughed as Daddy drove slow. We prayed through red lights. And as soon as Daddy pulled in, I jumped out of the van and started unfastening your carseat-- the van wasn't even in park yet! With each milestone, I've loved you even more. Each time I think surely I could never love you anymore than I already do! I already cry thinking about the man you are so quickly growing up to be. You are already so strong. You already treat your sisters and Mama with such gentleness. Your "I yo yo" (I love you's!) melt me into a giant puddle of tears several times each day. You've come so far, baby... I can't imagine you one day towering over me. But I know one day you will. I pray you grow into a wonderful leader for your future family yet you maintain your gentleness. I pray you continue to live life with zeal. I hope you always laugh full force. And most of all, I pray you grow to intimately know the God that loves you SO very much! I pray you seek Him with reckless abandon and your heart breaks for the very things that break His. We love you and can't imagine our lives without you. Quite simply, you amaze me son. No matter what, I'll be your mama-- because family is forever. Love ya to the moon and back times infinity, Mama