Happy 5th Birthday, Julianne Arissa!!!

Birthday season has really been busy this year! (All of the children were born in Feb-June with only March as a break!)

Dear Julianne,

Goodness me! Time has flown. My pregnancy with you was the hardest but I always knew that you'd be worth it. We fought to conceive you and we fought to carry you as long as I did. I had faith that God was going to allow you to come to us even when things looked bleak. I'll never forget Daddy rubbing my hair while I was in the operating room. I was so curious about what was going on, on the other side of the blue curtain. Daddy peaked and said "You don't want to know!" Did I mention he was white as a ghost? All I wanted was to hear you cry and the first thing my OB said was "Mom, her lungs are fine." You really let those nurses have it!

You are growing up to be such a sweet, lively little girl. Your nickname has been "Sass" and "Sassy" since you were old enough to talk. You earned it honestly and for quite some time you had a very smart mouth. Overtime, it's turned into quick wit and hilariousness with a touch of sass, but you've definitely learned to reign that in.

You live life with exuberance. You smile easily. You love thoroughly! I don't know who is more excited about our next adoption, you or me. But your face lights up when you talk about "another brother or sister." Every time you see baby clothes you say "Oh this would be PER-FECT for the new baby!"

Just recently, I asked you what if the baby was a boy instead of the girl you've prayed for and you answered "It'll still be a baby and that is all that matters." Well said, my sweetie.

You feel everything to extremes and while that means that when you are happy, you are really happy, it also means when your feelings are hurt, they are very hurt. This past year you've learned that Mommy appears unaffected when you tell her that you aren't friends with her anymore. While it pierced my heart, you had to learn that I'm mommy first. I will always love you to the moon and back.

You and I are so much alike and while at times it causes us to butt heads, it also means that I can read your mind and predict your reactions usually. You also look most like me and I have to say, it's pretty amazing looking into "my" eyes when we look at each either.

I pray that you continue to live life to the fullest. I pray that you always love your youngest siblings as much as you do right now. I pray that you are always the little firecracker that you are. I pray that you never lose your stubborness but instead learn to channel it to the things that really matter.

I can't wait to see who you turn out to be. But remember our conversation in the van today. No matter how big you are, no matter how many "fingers" or "hands" you are, no matter how tall you are--you will always be my baby. I'll always be your safe place to land and I'll always be your corner. No matter what.

Love you to the moon and back, times infinity,

Momma

Happy Birthday, Baby Boy!

Ahhh... It's here, Soli-boy-- Your first birthday! This year has been a blast and a blur. And every morning, I pinch myself because I still feel like I'm in a dream!

You, my dear sweet boy, have been the easiest Bee Baby yet! You are so laid back and happy. You laugh and smile easily, go with the flow and in general are just so mellow. You are the longest "mama holdout" too. You still prefer mama to daddy although I cherish each moment that you prefer me because I know soon the pendelum is going to swing towards Daddy hard! Then I'll only be good enough if you are hungry or hurt, if Daddy is home.

But I'll always get to brag that you are the first Baby Bee to say "Mama" before "Dada." Attaboy!

All of us are shocked when we compare how much you look like your big sister, Julianne. She is thrilled that you look so much like her. Although she says that your hair is "totally, totally differwent!" *giggle*

Lainey loves to help me feed you baby food even though she says she has "No idea!" how you can stomach your veggies mixed with your fruits. We whisper that when you are around because you think you don't like veggies, my dear. Yup... Mama has tricked you but it is for you own good.

Xander loves to bring you toys and pat your head. One day you'll be best friends and thick as thieves. We often joke around about how much mischief you'll get into together. Oh the stories I'm sure I'll get to tell!

I love to hear you clap when we get excited about something. Know that I'll always be in your corner clapping for you! I pray special blessings over you. I pray you grow up to be a wonderful man. If you are half the man that your Daddy is, you'll make a young lady very happy one day. You are SO much like your Daddy, sometimes I make sure that there isn't a cord attaching you to him.

I pray you continue to show such amazing patience, that you always laugh and smile easily and that you always have a place in your heart for your family... especially your Mama!

I've loved learning your habits and your likes and dislikes. Can't wait to see who you turn into!

~Mama

Happy 2nd Birthday, Xander (An Open Letter)

(Please excuse the lack of spacing, I'm having problems with Blogger.) Xander- Man, I'll never forget waiting for the internet connection to load my very first glimpse of you. I must have refreshed the picture 10 times trying to get it to load. I never imagined on that day that I could love you more than that very second the computer loaded one of the most beautiful faces I've ever seen-- my very first son to call me Mommy. And then I held you the next day. And I never imagined it could get better than holding your tiny self in my arms and rocking so much! I thought we were going to wear out the rocking chair! Thankfully it held up as I rocked you those weeks until your discharge from the hospital. And then, I brought you home! I think about that trip with a lump in my throat. You hated the car... and I wanted nothing more than to hold you tight and assure you it would be okay. We laughed as Daddy drove slow. We prayed through red lights. And as soon as Daddy pulled in, I jumped out of the van and started unfastening your carseat-- the van wasn't even in park yet! With each milestone, I've loved you even more. Each time I think surely I could never love you anymore than I already do! I already cry thinking about the man you are so quickly growing up to be. You are already so strong. You already treat your sisters and Mama with such gentleness. Your "I yo yo" (I love you's!) melt me into a giant puddle of tears several times each day. You've come so far, baby... I can't imagine you one day towering over me. But I know one day you will. I pray you grow into a wonderful leader for your future family yet you maintain your gentleness. I pray you continue to live life with zeal. I hope you always laugh full force. And most of all, I pray you grow to intimately know the God that loves you SO very much! I pray you seek Him with reckless abandon and your heart breaks for the very things that break His. We love you and can't imagine our lives without you. Quite simply, you amaze me son. No matter what, I'll be your mama-- because family is forever. Love ya to the moon and back times infinity, Mama