My last post was intentionally cryptic. Unfortunately, I have to be that way until we know everything and have made some decisions. What I can say is that the direction that our family is headed, is changing and it will be quite a surprise to most of our friends and family.
As usual, I'll share more when I am able.
I can tell you something else though. Brandon and I submitted our adoption profile for a little boy yesterday. It was a very hard day emotionally. But I don't think waiting longer would have made it any easier.
I found myself bargaining with God. Have you ever done that? I caught myself saying "Okay God, I see the way that You've presented this information to us, and after prayer, we feel like we are supposed to send our information in. But this time? When we are obedient to You.. errr...again... can You try really hard to make this work? Can You spare us more pain and brokenheartedness?"
I know alot of people don't admit to trying to bargain with God. But I made a commitment when I started this blog that what I am, is what you get. A learning human. And humans really don't like to hurt. We tend to not like pain and tend to do what we can to avoid it.
I immediately felt convicted for trying to bargain with God. And after a lot of prayer and tears, I changed my prayer. Instead I was saying "God, I feel You've shown us this little boy for a reason. I don't know if we are only meant to pray for him. Or if we are to ultimately become his parents. I know that most roads worth traveling are not easy. But we trust You. We love You. And we are so excited to see what You have for us."
And then peace swept over me.
I'll say it again. This is God's adoption. Sure we are the people filling out paperwork, networking, etc but ultimately God knows who is meant to be the next Bee. So we wait. And we hope.