I'm not quite sure why the Lord has blessed *us* with you. We are so undeserving. But He has and I thank Him every single day for you.
You are amazing, my oldest son and my music loving little man. I love the way you look at your babiest brother and tell me that his name is 'Saiah like I am meeting him for the first time. I love the way you are SO concerned when he spits up.
You want to fix things and you are fiercely protective.
I am too. And maybe that is why He gave you to me. We have a lot of things to figure out for you so that you can succeed in the Lord's plans for you. I believe that He has incredible plans for you. Plans that I can't even begin to imagine. Hopefully, these new changes and appointments help us figure things out a bit.
But even if we never get things figured out... I want you to know that I love you, always forever and no matter what. That was the promise I made to you and your birthmom about 3.5 years ago and I stand firm in that. You've stretched me as a mama and sometimes growth is uncomfortable. But it is all worth it, when I look into your chocolatey brown eyes and run my hand across your curls. You are worth it. No matter what.
I promise to continue to be your voice, your advocate and your biggest cheerleader... until my very last breath.
(I've intentionally been vague in this posting as we continue to process and make a strategy for Xander and our family. Would your pray for us in a very real, powerful and intentional way over the next week or so? We sure would appreciate it.)