Dearest Xander...

Xander,

 

I'm not quite sure why the Lord has blessed *us* with you. We are so undeserving.  But He has and I thank Him every single day for you.

 

You are amazing, my oldest son and my music loving little man.  I love the way you look at your babiest brother and tell me that his name is 'Saiah like I am meeting him for the first time.  I love the way you are SO concerned when he spits up. 

 

You want to fix things and you are fiercely protective.

 

I am too.  And maybe that is why He gave you to me.  We have a lot of things to figure out for you so that you can succeed in the Lord's plans for you.  I believe that He has incredible plans for you.  Plans that I can't even begin to imagine.  Hopefully, these new changes and appointments help us figure things out a bit.

 

But even if we never get things figured out... I want you to know that I love you, always forever and no matter what.  That was the promise I made to you and your birthmom about 3.5 years ago and I stand firm in that.  You've stretched me as a mama and sometimes growth is uncomfortable.  But it is all worth it, when I look into your chocolatey brown eyes and run my hand across your curls.  You are worth it.  No matter what. 

 

I promise to continue to be your voice, your advocate and your biggest cheerleader... until my very last breath. 

 

~Momma

 

(I've intentionally been vague in this posting as we continue to process and make a strategy for Xander and our family.  Would your pray for us in a very real, powerful and intentional way over the next week or so?  We sure would appreciate it.)