Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Just not enough...

Some days, my all just isn't enough.  These days my to do list is never ending.  Yesterday I spent hours on the phone calling from place to place trying to figure out the next steps for Xander, while overseeing the girls do their school work, being the sole food source for Isaiah, and trying to keep two brothers about 13 months apart in age from having a brawl over each and every toy that we have. 

What can I say?  My life is glamorous!  *snort*

I found out that the school district has taken advantage of my ignorance and we are no closer to help there than when we started. 

I've read special education law until my eyes can't focus anymore.

I found out that I can't get straight answers from quite a few places.  I can't get some people to even return my call or email. 

And yet, I have to keep going.  I'm knocking on all the doors I can.  I've left message after message (and as a result I'm REALLY close to memorizing my new cell number now!) 

During several of my calls, (hello 25 minute wait when calling the Social Security office) Xander was very loud in the background.  There was even a meltdown between a certain two boys *ahem* over a beloved yellow matchbox car during one of my calls. 

Last night, Brandon got off work late and by the time he got home I was spiraling into a glob of self pity and doing a fabulous job holding down the couch.  I whispered to myself that there is just not enough of me.  It seems like I could clone myself and still not have enough of me. 

Conviction came in the early hours of this morning as I was watching Isaiah nurse contentedly.  I've decided that I don't really need more me. ;)  I think the world can only handle so much of this Mama. 

If I could do it all on my own, would I have room for God in my life?   

What I needed to do was stop and read my Bible.  I needed to find a verse to cling to.  HE is enough.  God is enough for me. 

And He hasn't left.  He may be really hard to hear when you are speaking to a governmental worker giving robotic answers that don't quite answer what you are asking, but He is STILL THERE!

So today, I get up, I dust myself off and we try again. 

One of our homeschool lessons will be about perseverance. ;) 

I'm not done here yet!


1 comment:

iceangel said...

Oh Steph. I've had days like that (the holding down the couch ones) I'm glad you were able to look above "life" and see Jesus. You're right, if we could do it on our own we wouldn't be reminded of our own frailties and our need for a perfect savior!