Last Thursday was not a great day at the Bee House. Brandon sent me a text message asking for prayers because he thought the announcement for the position he applied for was about to come out.
I prayed and had a very unsettled feeling. I tried to shake it off and keep praying. I knew how much Brandon wanted it. Who am I kidding? I knew how much I wanted it for Brandon.
And then a very long wait happened and my phone rang. I said hello and I knew from the pause and they way Brandon's voice cracked when he said my name that things didn't go the way we had hoped.
The tears started rolling down my hot cheeks and mentally I started down a really dangerous path.
What do you mean he didn't get it? He's worked so hard... He deserves it. Look at all we have sacrificed! We took a huge chance to come here! Brandon helped change the course that the office was going down and improve the stats. We were one of the first internal transfers! Look at all his accomplishments....
I comforted Brandon the best way I knew how. All I could say was, "I guess it wasn't meant to be, God has something else planned." I choked back tears while I was on the phone with him. I excused myself to go take a shower and cry it out. When the water ran cold I got out and dressed. I found myself on the couch, as numb inside as I felt outside.
That night before I drifted off to sleep, I felt very convicted about my thoughts. I started thinking about what we really deserve. As sinners, we deserve hell. But we are offered the gift of forgiveness by God! I'm so thankful for that!
So now we wait...again. We will both keep looking ahead and working, while we wait for God to show us what is next.
[This post has been edited. See the October 5th posting for more information.]