Hospitalized...

Nope, not Xander.

His mama.

Early Sunday morning, I was sleeping and felt a "pop" and then felt wetness all around me.

I got up and went to the restroom and when I finally pryed my eyes open, there was blood everywhere.

I went back and looked in the bed, and sure enough I had been laying in a large puddle of blood.

I woke Brandon and headed back to the restroom.

He called our doctor's office and our doctor was on call. He said he'd meet me in the emergency room. Brandon and I changed clothes and then Brandon loaded the children in their pajamas into the van.

We rode to the hospital (25 minutes) in silence. I was begging God to please don't make us walk the road of loss again. Later I asked Brandon what he was thinking, and he said he was pleading for the same thing.

When I got the ER they were expecting me and I went straight back. Just a few minutes later my doctor was there.

So far we have no reason for the bleeding. The baby's heartrate was found and I'm not dialating. They did an ultrasound and I didn't have placenta previa or abruption. My amniotic sac was intact and baby had plenty of fluid and was moving. (After we found the heartbeat, my doctor was most concerned the pop I felt was my water breaking.)

My aunt arrived safely last evening and is at our house with the children.

I was admitted for observation for one night but the bleeding never completely stopped. It would lighten and stop shortly only to return later.

Early this morning, I had the worst episode of bleeding since I've been in the hospital. *sigh*

We have heard the baby's heart beat several times a day and so that is reassuring, even when it takes them awhile to find it.

Tomorrow the perinatalogist will be in with an ultrasound tech to do a full scan and check everything out really carefully. I've been told that this will take place around 8-9 am.

*Deep breath* This morning was a bit shocking for Brandon and I. We obviously know that bleeding in pregnancy isn't good and we also know that 14 weeks is too early for baby to survive without being safely tucked in my womb. But to hear the words threatened miscarriage and to be told that I'm basically waiting for the bleeding to stop or miscarry, sucked every breath out of my lungs and I had a long cry after I was told that. My doctor was not harsh with me or uncaring. I still greatly respect him. It was just very hard for us to be told that we are waiting on a miracle and that some pregnancies continue on with great outcomes and some end with bad outcomes. I mean, intellectually I know that, but no one really wants to talk about it, especially with their baby's life on the line.

Brandon has been amazing and so have our friends and church family. This morning Brandon reminded me that we know the One that can provide that miracle for us. We know Him intimately and deeply and He knows us too. He has carefully knit our baby together and loves him or her more than we do. As parents, it is really hard to imagine a love for our children bigger than our own. But God does! God has this ALL planned out. He knows exactly how many days our baby has.

We continue to intercede on our baby's behalf and hope for a long pregnancy, uneventful birth and a lifetime of memories.

~Stephanie