It's... a

-nother boy!

We were all shocked. Even Brandon thought it was a girl this time!

The best news of my appointment is that there is NO EVIDENCE of a subchorionic hemmorhage.

That is right...

NONE.

Praising the One I know and love!

There is still a need for prayer though. I have a marginal previa which means that the placenta is too close to the cervix. There is still plenty of time for it to move... well it doesn't really move, the uterus stretches and the placenta goes with the uterus.

Anywho, it does make me at risk for more bleeding and if it doesn't move, then I could need a repeat csection.

But I've been taken off of bedrest and told to take it easy. (No heavy lifting, etc.)

Once again, I'm surrendering this to God. He knows how our baby will come. Julianne needed a csection to get here safely. And as a mother, I'm willing to sacrifice my comfort and desires for my wee one.

Oh and his name is Isaiah.

A few months before I knew I was pregnant, we were studying a passage in Isaiah and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I love lots of passages in Isaiah. I told Brandon after service, that the name Isaiah really stuck with me. When we were scared we would lose our baby, several of my friends sent me verses from Isaiah and it again, made the hair on the back of my neck stand up... God is just soooo good like that!

My favorite passage, one I repeated several times a day on bedrest was from Isaiah is 40: 28-31.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men will stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. " (NIV)

Love that. What a powerful passage to those that are demoralized and weary.

Isaiah's middle name is Samuel.

1 Samuel 1:27 is often quoted.. but rarely do you hear the next verse with it.

"'I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him....' " - 1 Samuel 1:27

and then:

"So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.' And he worshipped the Lord there." - 1 Samuel 1:28.

What a powerful statement. One of surrender and trust. And faith. And worship!

Brandon and I have walked a long road so far. We've had trial after trial here lately, and we are still living joyfully in a relationship with God. But we realized that this baby isn't ours. He's the Lord's. We prayerfully hoped and prayed while surrendering... and what a sweet surrender that was.

I can't wait to see Mr. Isaiah Samuel. His story started before his birth... and I've already learned so much from him!

~Stephanie

Blabberings from Bedrestland...

Whew, bedresting is exhausting and mindnumbing. We are getting lots of school done these days because mama can't do anything else and we are homebound. Julianne is almost done with her kindergarten assignments and we had to purchase another workbook to keep her going in something because she looooooooooooooves school so much.

Lainey is chugging along too. She isn't as eager as Julianne but we are steadily working through the remaining assignments she has.

Wednesday we got a call from our OB's nurse telling us that the pharmacy had insurance approval for the Makena shots and we just needed to speak with them before they could ship them. Brandon got to be that person because all of the red tape I've dealt with this year as made me frustrated and I'm supposed to be relaxing. I could build us a house out of the red tape we've dealt with this year.

The shots were overnighted to our OB's office and I got to be the lucky recipient that afternoon. YE-OUCH! I'll continue to get those shots every week until 32 or 35 weeks. (I find out more tomorrow.) Brandon sweet talked the nurse into letting us have a listen to the baby's heart beat as my prize and the heartrate was 162!

Seeing the doppler makes me so nervous each time because we've had such a hard time finding the heartrate easily and that always makes me panic. So I hold my breath and pray but this time it wasn't nearly as panic-inducing.

I walked out on cloud nine.

But returned back to bedrestland.

Tomorrow, I have an appt at 3:15 (eastern time) for an ultrasound and then an office visit with my OB. He told us that they will be measuring the hemmorhage site, seeing if the part of the placenta re-attached, and checking cervical length. A 2nd trimester SCH raises risks for preterm labor so that is concerning given my history (and what we are hoping the shots help with!)

Then he winked and said "We'll see about getting a peek at gender as well."

So we might! If we do, then in Bee tradition we will announce the baby's name. If not, then I have at least one more ultrasound at 18-20 weeks. That is the big anatomy scan.

Eventually we will know!

Thanks for the prayers and thinking about us. We greatly appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

I'll update ASAP tomorrow night.

~Stephanie

The Mindgame

I've had a tremendous amount of quiet time in my head which can be seen as a good thing or a bad thing depending on who you are. I'm on Day #9 of bedrest and while I'm not a happy camper about being sidelined as my family continues on without me playing an active role, I'm doing what I was told was the ideal to give our baby the best chances.

I hate chance. Anyone that knows me for about 5 minutes knows that I'm a play it safe kind of girl. I want a sure thing. And as I get older I realize more and more that nothing is a sure thing while you are here on earth. Not a thing here is a sure thing.

I watched a friend bury her husband. Growing old with the man you love isn't a sure thing.

I watched a friend lose two sons in a row. Babies making it safely through pregnancy isn't a sure thing.

I walked a road of infertility and miscarriage and watched several friends as they walked the same road. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant just isn't a sure thing.

Brandon and I have quietly whispered in the dark (so as not to have to watch the tears fall down each other's cheeks) about the what ifs. We've talked about the hard possibility that our baby may not make it. (The subchorionic hemmorhage is behind my placenta and raises the odds of placental abruption quite a bit.) I'm not in Lala-Land where every problem is solved neatly in a 30 minute or 60 minute show.

This is real life-- where the only thing that is a sure thing is God. And I've clung to Him. I lay my fears and worries at His feet each day-- sometimes several times a day. I've re-read stories about miracles and things that look horrible from an odds point of view. Just because I'm a believer doesn't mean I'm promised an easy life. What I am promised is eternal life. THAT is a sure thing. My ONE sure thing. And that joy and hope keeps me going each day.

I'm in for the fight. This is a MINDGAME. I can't let the excitement be snuffed out. I simply refuse!!!!!

I am still refusing to let these complications steal our joy. The girls talk about "when our baby comes" and I force my mind go there instead of shielding my heart. We've arranged our school schedule to take a break in the fall "when our baby comes." We've chosen names. I've looked at coming home outfits.

Years ago, I wrote in my inspiration journal the following quote:

"Quit telling God how big your storm is, and start telling the storm how big your God is!"

So I am. Every morning, I lay in bed and praise the One that knows how this turns out. I thank Him for one more day with our baby. I thank Him for the children I have and my husband, who has been my biggest cheerleader during these 9 days. While I hope with all my might, I've tearfully prayed for the Lord's will to be done.

If we lose our baby, we will grieve. But every second that I'm still pregnant, I will continue to look forward to that little life. The 5th set of little feet joining our family. Our tiebreaker.

Either way, a testimony is being written. I'm just the storyteller. How blessed I am to know Him and recognize His works in our lives.

~Stephanie

Updates!

Thursday, I went to my OB appointment. We had a scare with the heartbeat and the first nurse could not find baby's heartbeats and left us alone in the exam room.

I started crying. Brandon was rubbing my hair and trying to reassure me about "those crazy machines" when the second nurse walk in.

She walked in and said "Oh let's find this wiggleworm!" And when she came around, she noticed I was crying. I don't hide crying well. My face gets splotchy red and my eyes swell up. (I have a certain daughter that does the same exact thing when she cries.) So she said some reassuring words to me, but I'm not really sure what they were because I was praying so hard for a heartbeat to still be there and the baby to cooperate.

And finally we found it. It seems like we have a little drama king or queen on our hands.

We discussed the ultrasound in the hospital with our doctor and he let us know that things could go either way. In our favor, we have a baby measuring ahead of date (so the placenta is nourishing baby well), a strong heartbeat and an active baby... along with prayers of our family and friends!

But bleeding in pregnancy is always worrisome. It is less worrisome since we have a cause and can monitor it and compare.

My ob went ahead and started the process to get the P17 shots ordered for me. I'll take one every week until I am 32 weeks and then we will discontinue. My doctor chuckled as he said this could be my longest pregnancy ever with the shots.

The shots have to be compounded and approved through our insurance so I should hear more this week about when to come in and have it done. Pray for me, they'll be teaching Brandon how to give me shots. EEKS! I'll be really sweet to him those days.

After we left the OB we got called back because it looked like I had an UTI but the first nurse dumped out the sample. So... I had to go back. I'm now on antibiotics.

My doctor is out of the country on his daughter's spring break trip so, we are praying double that this week is uneventful!

Thursday afternoon, we also found out that Xander's cdiff lab came back negative. The Flagyl is working, which means that it is more likely to be SIBO (Short Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth) which is not contagious.

Xander is doing the best he has in months. The day I came home from the hospital, my aunt had dressed in him blue jeans!!! He has refused blue jeans for quite some time, opting only for stretchy, sweat pant material that he kept low on his waist. He is eating a variety of foods now, eating larger amounts and most importantly, not having ANY diarrhea. In fact, when we tracked his dirty diapers, Solomon and Xander had the same number of dirty diapers in a day.. at the same times!

We are praising God for His mercy. It is so relieving to me to see Xander do well even though we are highly concerned about our wee one as well.

In a move of optimism we chose baby names tonight. In Bee tradition, we will not announce the name until we know the gender. BUT, we may find out sooner this pregnancy than any pregnancy before. I have a follow up ultrasound/peri/OB appt on March 12th and we may get a look at gender.

~Stephanie

No Regrets...

So an anonymous commenter asked me if I regretted announcing my pregnancy so early.

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Some people don't announce until after the 12th week of pregnancy. The supposed "safety mark" of pregnancy. I'm past that... so if I were to wait, when would you suggest I had waited?

I absolutely positively have zero regrets about announcing as early as we did. Every life is special and valuable and deserves to be celebrated. Some people celebrate for a long 9 months and then a lifetime. Some celebrate for a much shorter time but each life deserves to be celebrated... thoroughly.

We've cried tears of happiness upon the news that we were blessed with another life to love. We gasped in awe at the sweet little heartbeat fluttering on the screen at our first ultrasound. We laughed at our wiggleworm as the ultrasound tech struggled to get the measurements she needed for her reports. We have daydreamed ahead to having another little one toddling around our home.

We've also had a few restless nights here lately. We've uttered prayers for hours on end pleading for our baby to still be there the next time they check for a heartbeat. We've willed its little heart to continue beating.

But our joy isn't gone. I'm refusing to let the joy be snuffed out by the worries. So we celebrate. Each day we celebrate one more day with our sweet, tiny baby. We remain cautiously optimistic.

Tomorrow things can change. My appt is at 9:45am and I could walk out in tears after hearing terrible news.

And the Lord will still be good. He will still be sovereign. And we will still worship Him and praise Him.

But tonight, we thank Him, for one more day with our sweet child. I'm not borrowing trouble. I'm resting in the palm of His hand.

Are you celebrating the today? Or has the worry of tomorrow sucked the joy out of your today? Friends, none of us are promised tomorrow. And not a worry in the world adds a minute of time to our today.

I encourage you to celebrate today.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:34

~Stephanie

Home Sweet Home...

Tuesday morning the peri came and did another ultrasound. They found a subchorionic bleed (which is a bleed between the placenta and the uterine wall.)

Other than that everything looked great. Fluid was fine, cervix was great, baby was active and growing well and baby's heartrate was good.

I was sent home with orders to take it very easy-- basically modified bedrest. No lifting, pulling, cleaning, straining, pushing, walking long distances, etc, etc.

Things are still wait and see. We have another appointment on Thursday morning. In the meantime, we are praying protection for our baby and wisdom for our doctor.

Also, starting Friday I can start getting P17 shots once a week. This is to prevent preterm labor (that I've had with my other children.) These shots are very expensive, but having child born before 37 weeks qualifies me for them. We are also praying that there are no issues with getting the shots approved. I've been told that each shot is about $1500 a WEEK before insurance coverage. EEKS!!!

My aunt is back in Virginia (I'm making my case trying to get her to move here!) and helping with the children. Our friends and church family have been AMAZING as well. We feel very loved and blessed.

~Stephanie

Hospitalized...

Nope, not Xander.

His mama.

Early Sunday morning, I was sleeping and felt a "pop" and then felt wetness all around me.

I got up and went to the restroom and when I finally pryed my eyes open, there was blood everywhere.

I went back and looked in the bed, and sure enough I had been laying in a large puddle of blood.

I woke Brandon and headed back to the restroom.

He called our doctor's office and our doctor was on call. He said he'd meet me in the emergency room. Brandon and I changed clothes and then Brandon loaded the children in their pajamas into the van.

We rode to the hospital (25 minutes) in silence. I was begging God to please don't make us walk the road of loss again. Later I asked Brandon what he was thinking, and he said he was pleading for the same thing.

When I got the ER they were expecting me and I went straight back. Just a few minutes later my doctor was there.

So far we have no reason for the bleeding. The baby's heartrate was found and I'm not dialating. They did an ultrasound and I didn't have placenta previa or abruption. My amniotic sac was intact and baby had plenty of fluid and was moving. (After we found the heartbeat, my doctor was most concerned the pop I felt was my water breaking.)

My aunt arrived safely last evening and is at our house with the children.

I was admitted for observation for one night but the bleeding never completely stopped. It would lighten and stop shortly only to return later.

Early this morning, I had the worst episode of bleeding since I've been in the hospital. *sigh*

We have heard the baby's heart beat several times a day and so that is reassuring, even when it takes them awhile to find it.

Tomorrow the perinatalogist will be in with an ultrasound tech to do a full scan and check everything out really carefully. I've been told that this will take place around 8-9 am.

*Deep breath* This morning was a bit shocking for Brandon and I. We obviously know that bleeding in pregnancy isn't good and we also know that 14 weeks is too early for baby to survive without being safely tucked in my womb. But to hear the words threatened miscarriage and to be told that I'm basically waiting for the bleeding to stop or miscarry, sucked every breath out of my lungs and I had a long cry after I was told that. My doctor was not harsh with me or uncaring. I still greatly respect him. It was just very hard for us to be told that we are waiting on a miracle and that some pregnancies continue on with great outcomes and some end with bad outcomes. I mean, intellectually I know that, but no one really wants to talk about it, especially with their baby's life on the line.

Brandon has been amazing and so have our friends and church family. This morning Brandon reminded me that we know the One that can provide that miracle for us. We know Him intimately and deeply and He knows us too. He has carefully knit our baby together and loves him or her more than we do. As parents, it is really hard to imagine a love for our children bigger than our own. But God does! God has this ALL planned out. He knows exactly how many days our baby has.

We continue to intercede on our baby's behalf and hope for a long pregnancy, uneventful birth and a lifetime of memories.

~Stephanie

Bee #5

All was well at my appointment on Friday! Baby was very active and measuring larger than my dates. This is normal for me. My babies seem to grow ahead in the beginning, then slow down a bit at the end right before they come early. God knits babies perfectly.

My blood pressure was a bit elevated compared to my normal. It was still within normal range. I usually run a bit low and correct that with increased salt intake so I don't feel so weak. My OB is aware of the issues we are going through and will monitor my care.

I was excited to make plans with our doctor for the pregnancy. We are planning another VBAC and I went ahead and signed the papers acknowledging the "risks." My doctor laughed as I told him that a csection came with risks and so did walking in the parking lot to get to my van.

We will be doing one thing a little differently this pregnancy. I will be skipping the 1 hour gestational diabetes test this pregnancy. I always barely fail it and end up taking the 3 hour test. But I really despise drinking the nasty syrup so my doctor will allow me to skip the 1 hour (that I always fail anyway) and go straight to the 3 hour.

We were so relieved!

~Stephanie

No More Even Stevens...

A few days ago we were telling the girls that I had a doctor's appoinment today.


Julianne looked a little sad, so I asked her what was going on. She told me that she really hopes God answers her prayers and she gets a little sister. We told her that it was too early to tell and not to worry, that God has it alllll planned out. :)


Then DeLainey came up with a grand idea. She thought we could have twins! A boy and a girl to keep our "teams" even. Julianne liked the idea better than a single boy.. and then she got a look on her face. I've learned this look means to brace myself.


"No! We should have TWIN girls. Lainey got two boys when she prayed for two boys, so I'll just pray for twin girls."


Well.. we told her that twins sounded scary to Mommy and Daddy, but that we would be thankful if there were twins or just one baby. And that we'd be thankful no matter what gender the baby is.


But the conversation stuck with us and started making us wonder.... especially since twins run in my family...


So one of Brandon's first questions during my ultrasound today was "How many are in there?"


Just one. :)

And then we saw a sweet little heartbeat flickering away. Ultrasounds never get old!


So, no more Even Stevens. One "team" will outnumber the other come August.

(Sorry the picture isn't fabulous. Ultrasound paper is very shiny and it was hard to get a picture without the glare, but covering my last name and my doctor's name. )

Baby #5 is due August 24th, 2012. I was thankful that I paid attention to my body and knew that "the wheel" was going to be wrong. Since I have preterm labor having an accurate due date is very important. By knowing this, I also knew not to worry when the baby measured "behind" according to the nurse's first date. Baby measured perfectly to my dates. I'm so thankful that I listened to the quiet whisperings of the Father.

God, we are SO thankful for this new little life. We know that life has been crazy the last few weeks, but we know that Your timing is perfect. We rest in that. I know that we'll work out the logistics with a lot of prayer and planning. I can't wait to see who You are knitting in secret. We love You and praise You and can't wait to see what You have in store for us in 2012. In Your Son's most precious name, Amen!"

~Stephanie

Attention Please! Solomon would like to make an annoucement....

Coming in August 2012, Lord willing...

Tearfully humbled and utterly grateful,

Stephanie

Doing the next thing...

Today we got a call from an agency we've been in contact with. The call came in a little after 8pm, which is well after I gave up hope of getting a phone call today. My hopes seem to rise and fall with each 8am and 5pm cycle. LOL

Anyway, we were told that we are one of three adoptive couples that are being presented for this adoption situation. That presentation will take place this week. I've seen pictures of this baby and he is adorable. (Aren't all babies?)

Meanwhile, another adoption agency has us in a pile to possibly be presented to another potential birthmother this week as well. I've not seen pictures of this baby but he is already born. I bet he is adorable too.

So, what's a girl to do?

N-E-S-T!

The fridge is cleaned out and the pantry is straightened. I purged some paperwork. Our laundry was complete until we put on pajamas tonight. I sorted through baby boy clothing. I played around with some travel arrangements. I started to think about what to pack. I made a grocery shopping list and a "To Finish" list.

Tomorrow we will go and get refills for prescriptions (they just happen to coincide with this), fill out paperwork for some reimbursements, and do a grocery shopping run. Then we will head to the pool to live life as a family of six. I'm not sure we are brave enough to take 5 children to the pool without any help.

We temper every hope with the fact that there is a chance we don't be picked. And this is why adoption nesting is different than pregnancy nesting. When you are pregnant you have a date to count down to-- a general idea of when baby will arrive. We don't have that.

But I ate a philly cheesesteak tonight.. just in case. You know... cravings. ;)

Would you pray for the birthparents as they make these life changing decisions? Pray that they are being supported by caring professionals and that they have peace with their decisions. Pray for the children as they are awaiting their placements. And pray for the adoptive families that are going to bed tonight, hoping.

~Steph

Resting in Him...

I've had a long night up with the Lord. I've gotten no sleep but lots of time to talk to God.

I was praying over our adoption and telling Him that I was worried about the possibility of being double matched and how I'd ever choose between two babies. (Double matching is when you network with several agencies and you are chosen for TWO situations... and then you have to pick which situation/child to go with. You may recall that the family that originally matched with Xander was double matched and went with the other situation/child giving us the opportunity to match with him.)

Our situation count was up to 5 when I went to bed last night. Five homestudies sent, only a few profiles requested so far. We've been approved 9 days today. But if there is something to be worried about-- I'm all over it. Brandon often says that he rarely worries because I do enough for both of us!

Anyway.. I was praying about it and God gave me this verse... that I've read a thousand times.

"God sets the lonely in families..." ~Psalm 68:6

So, I'm choosing to rest in His Word. He does it. We just have to be obedient and in His timing, it will happen, if it is His will for our family. He did a fabulous job setting Xander into our family and we know he was meant to be ours. I mean.. have you seen his monster face? It looks just like his Daddy's. Have you heard him laugh until he snorts? Yup.. definitely a Bee! Xander is the one child of ours that is constantly told how much he looks like his Daddy. It makes me giggle. His birthmom thinks it is hilarious too!

Then I got out of bed to start my day and found an email from a friend asking if I had seen an adoption situation posted.

So now we are up to 6.

FAQ's Part 1

So the current count of adoption situations that we've sent our homestudy to is (drumroll please!)

3

We have only been homestudy approved since Friday. Networking has been going fast and furious. We haven't heard back on any of the situations. All three of the situations are for boys with special needs, ranging from 3 days old to 6 months old. All three have different special needs-- one is very similar to our Xander.

Our children do not know about them. It's taking sending text messages/emails/facebook chats and talking in code and whispering after they have gone to bed. I know how much I looked forward to events in my life as a child and I can't imagine burdening our children with an unknown timeframe at their young ages. We could wait years. They know we are praying for a new baby and that we started the process to adopt but they don't know much beyond that.

While God could call us to an international adoption, the original situation we were asked to re-consider doesn't appear to be for us. The country is very unstable and very, very expensive. There is some discussion over whether or not we are technically even eligible to adopt from said country. So we are going to pass. We have however sent a few inquiries in about other international programs. (I'm not sure I'm allowed to name countries so I'm taking the safe road.)

I'm going to start doing a little FAQ's section because we seem to be getting the same questions a lot. Here are the questions that I've gotten quite a bit in the past few days.

Will you have to travel and what will your Fab Four do? Where will they go? Or will they travel with you?

Have no fear, we didn't forget about the Fab Four! My aunt has graciously said that she will drive up from Georgia and is pretty much living on standby (just like we are!) My children LOVE her to death, playfully argue over who's she is (the correct answer is MAMA!) and she really has a grandmotherly role in their lives. You may remember that she was on standby when I was pregnant with Solomon and she came to help hold down the fort when I was put on bedrest. In fact, when Xander was still in the hospital and the girls weren't allowed in the nursery and Brandon had to travel for work, she met me half way to take the girls down to Georgia until Brandon got back in town. And the children went down so Brandon and I could have our Anniversary Getaway. She's fabulous! Everyone should have an Auntie Karon! We have a support system here in Richmond too.. so if for some crazy reason we have to leave before Auntie Karon can get all the way here, we have a few friends lined up to tide us over in a short term way.

How long will you be gone?

This really just depends. When you adopt out of state, there is paperwork that must be filed called the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC.) It is a contract between the states that controls the lawful movement of children for the purpose of adoption. (Thank you adoption.com- I was having trouble coming up with a concise definition!) Both states have to agree to it before we can leave whatever state our child is born in. It usually takes 7-10 days but the baby has to be discharged from the hospital before it can be started. Only one parent has to stay. Of course, Brandon and I would ideally like to stay together, but it is just another thing we have to play by ear. If our child is born here in Richmond, there would be no overnight travel away. We would spend time with the birthparents if they'd choose to want to spend time with us and we'd spend time getting to know the baby. Again, we'd have to play it by ear.

How do you decide what situations to send your homestudy to?

I briefly mentioned that I consider this the hardest part of adoption. And honestly, we don't have a "system" really. We look over the limited amount of information that we can see and we pray. A lot of very specific information is only shared with the adoptive parents after they match. At that point we could accept or reject the match. Brandon and I have researched a lot of special needs briefly, so sometimes we look deeper into the special need to refresh our memories. We have had a lot of lengthy discussions about what strengths we have as a family and as a couple as well as what resources are available here in Richmond. Part of our homestudy interviewing was to help us think through these things. We have passed over some situations, for instance, the first one this time.

This whole match process is kind of new to us. Sure, we matched and adopted before. During our first adoption, we sent our homestudy to four situations very quickly after we were approved. One we never heard back from. One the sibling set had matched right before our homestudy got there after we had a minor snafu on the paperwork being sent. And the third, we were told after we sent our homestudy that they were looking to keep the little girl in the immediate area (on the other side of the country.) The fourth time, we sent our homestudy in to try to match with a baby girl due in May and we got a call a few days later asking if we would consider a baby boy, who was one week old. That was our Xander! It was fast and simple. We prayed and obeyed and before we knew it we were matched.

I'm not expecting this process to go as quickly but I have no doubts that God can do it just that quickly again, if it is His will.

What preparations have you made for a new baby?

Babies in the Bee Household start out in Mama and Daddy's room. Part of it is because that is what we feel comfortable with. Part of our reason is because all of our children share rooms and it is easier for an adult to fall back asleep than a child. And in adoption, part of it is because we do everything we can to help bond us faster. Answering needs immediately is one way for your baby to bond to you better. We can answer more immediately, if the baby is closer to us. We haven't set up the baby's bed in our room yet. We have washed the carseats, rearranged the carseats, sorted clothes (both boys and girls clothing) and picked out first names. We have some middle names being tossed around, but for some reason we can't quite settle. I wonder if it is because the birthparents have names that they are going to ask us to use. Either way, we'll have a baby with a name and right now we are in no rush. Oh and I've nested like a crazy woman.. several times.

If you have any other questions, leave them in the comment section and I'll do another FAQ's post. We appreciate all of your prayers!

Speaking of prayers, we have an appointment at 10:15am for a second opinion for Lainey's feet. Would your pray for wisdom for the new (to us) doctor? Would you pray that Brandon and I make wise decisions while advocating for Lainey's best? And would you pray for Lainey's emotions/mental health as we walk down this road again? I'll fill you in when I get home and settled...

~Steph

PS: The spacing on blogger is driving me nuts. ;) Absolutely nuts!

A Small Update..

Brandon and I have sent our homestudy paperwork to an agency that places children with special needs.

We have also sent it to the agency that we worked with for Xander's adoption.

Monday, we were contacted by an international agency asking if we were by chance, interested in a little one that we inquired about in December. We've sent them some questions and they are waiting for word back from their in-country folks. This is a little scary for Brandon and I. It is the most expensive path and we have never walked the international road. I have several friends that have (or are currently) walking this road that I've soaked up information from. I guess I'm most scared we will start this process and it wouldn't work out for some reason.

So right now, we are standing before three paths. We are praying fervently for direction. Would you pray for us too? Would you pray that the path is clear?

PS: I had a very bad allergic reaction last night and ended up in the ER. Would you also pray for wisdom for my doctors as they try to come up with a gameplan?

A-P-P-R-O-V-E-D!!!

I got a call this morning asking for two more minor details. Our homestudy will be edited to reflect that and then we are D-O-N-E!

Our homestudy will be faxed to our other agency today... :)

And now the wait begins!

And now we wait..

I didn't realize until last night how much adrenaline I've been living on these past few weeks. It's been a flurry of paperwork and checkmarks and "doing the next thing." I stole that phrase from a mom of many, after a conversation we had when I felt overwhelmed with three children. She told me to just do what is next, to not look at my crazy lists, to not worry about tomorrow but just "do the next thing." I laugh now thinking that I was really overwhelmed with three. A little distance from something sure gives you perspective, huh?

Anyway, so yesterday we woke up and hauled four children into our doctors office. Brandon and I completed our physicals one right after the other. Then we stopped into the agency to drop off four of the six physical forms that are required. I also asked if my fingerprinting card had been found and was told that it had indeed been found. I danced right there in the office.

We ran a pile of errands and then we came home. I laid down on my bed for just a few minutes and the next thing I knew Brandon was waking me 2 hours later. When I woke up I thought back to the last few weeks, trying to figure out how I was that tired. Well, I've been working late into the night to complete our profile book. (I ordered it at 3:05 am on Tuesday.) Then waking up with the children. And I've been working on paperwork/making appointments/networking during the day too!

But it's all done. *I* don't have anything else to do. Brandon is taking the boys to their physical appointments on Friday while I go to the homeschool convention with some friends and then we are having company on Friday night. He's even promised to drop those forms off at the agency that afternoon. And then we wait. We wait for the reference forms to be received. We wait for the draft of our homestudy to be written for our proofing. We wait to receive our profile book in the mail. And then we start The Big Wait.

I'm so thankful that God gave me endurance for this busy season in our lives.

And I am so excited!! Excited to see WHO God has chosen for our family. In the meantime, I plan to read some books I checked out at the library, take lots of bubble baths and I plan to get to bed at a decent time. I also plan to enjoy my four children and to reconnect with Brandon. We will be trying to find some normalcy as we wait for the next whirlwind.

~Stephanie

PS: Check out the timeline on the right...I've been faithfully updating it!

The Hardest Part

For me, the hardest part of the adoption process isn't the homestudy. I'm a list maker and checker by nature. So seeing the list of documents/things that are required doesn't seem daunting. Sure I think some of the things we have to provide are a bit ridiculous, but the list itself doesn't feel daunting. I go through and gather things and check them off the list. I make the appointments and check those off of the list. Sometimes I skip something and come back to it. But it all eventually gets checked off.

The wait doesn't feel like the hardest part. Although let's face it, matching with Xander happened at record speed and we aren't officially waiting yet this time.

The hardest part is looking at the situations and deciding who to send our homestudy and profile to for matching purposes.

This past Thursday, I recieved an email about a possible adoption situation from our social worker. The little boy just turned 3. His picture was adorable. The email told a bit about a special need he had. I emailed the agency the child is listed with and asked for more information. And then I realized it was 4:48pm.

Being the highly impatient person I am and knowing that most agencies close at 5, I prayed and then called the office and asked to speak with the social worker. She answered a few questions and then sent me an email with more information.

I read over the notes. And my heart broke as I read each sentence. I googled, ALOT! This child has had a rough start, to put it mildly. I wrestled with the decision.

I spoke with Brandon and after prayer, we decided that this isn't a situation we feel comfortable with for many reasons. And my heart broke again.

We aren't looking for a perfect child. In fact, we've requested to be homestudy approved for a child with special needs. But this situation was just something that we don't feel qualified to handle even with the amazing resources available to us.

This is the hardest part. The saying no. I have no doubts that we will know when to say yes. The peace was amazing when I said yes (ahem.. before talking to Brandon!) to be presented for Xander's situation. (Yes, I did call him and make sure after I jumped the gun. Don't worry!)

Sometimes you think that you are a great fit for a situation and never to hear back. In 2009, Brandon and I sent our homestudy to two different social workers in two different states for two different situations and never heard back.

In the meantime, we pray and we remind ourselves that God has already chosen which child is ours.

~Steph

You win some, you lose some.. but look at the growth!

A chapter of my life closed tonight unexpectedly. I'm no longer working from home. I was completely blindsided and it was very unexpected.

It's no secret that I've had a sharp tongue in the past. It comes from years and years of having sharp tongues modeled for me. It's a product of being quick-witted. Growing up, I was the queen of getting the last word.

But it's not who I desire to be.

Here's a little of what the Bible says about it:

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. ~Proverbs 14:29

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. ~Proverbs 16:32

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. ~Proverbs 12:18

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. ~ Proverbs 21:23

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness ~Proverbs 31:26

I'm a work in progress. I'm not going to lie. There are times that my tongue (and flesh) wins. And oh boy... do I have to repent and then go right the wrong. But tonight, I handled myself with grace. All the Scriptures that I've poured over during my time of repenting, were running through my head as I formed my response. My time in the Word was fruitful.

I'm amazed at the growth. Still hurt and confused but amazed.

As far as the adoption... have no fear! When God called us to adopt again, He knew all this! And now we are on the edge of our seat, waiting to see the provision for our adoption unfold.

~Steph

Homestudy Part 2: The Home Visit

So I shared how we couldn't go to the National Zoo and Lancaster for Memorial Day weekend. Shortly after we told the girls (and all three of us starting crying) I went into my bedroom and shut the door. I needed alone time. I needed to pray to the One that knows my inner most thoughts. I prayed and told him how disappointed I was. How much I hate to let people down. How frustrating it was to plan a great trip only to cancel. I cried. And as I walked into the master bathroom to splash some water on my face, it hit me. If we moved the money from our weekend getaway fund to our homestudy, we could move up our 2nd appointment and possibly get it done this week.

So I came into the livingroom and mentioned it to Brandon. He raised his eyebrows in a way that said "Oh really? I'm not sure that is possible." And I got started.

I first emailed our social worker. It was after the office closed on Thursday but I tried anyway. Then I tried to call her office. Her voicemail was not accepting new messages.

Friday I called back. I was told she was off for the holiday and wouldn't be back until Wednesday. (Wednesday was also the day I was trying to move our appointment to!) The receptionist asked if I'd like her voicemail. I told her it was full. She put me on hold and dialed it and then came back and told me it was working and asked me again if I wanted to leave a voicemail. I said sure and whataya know! It was full. *sigh*

Monday was the holiday.

Tuesday, I called again.. the voicemail was still not accepting messages. Tuesday was Solomon's birthday, the girls had their physicals done and that afternoon we had had our carpets cleaned. Things were a bit out of place due to moving as many things as we could off of the floor. In faith, we straightened up a bit.

Wednesday morning, we finally got through and we were able to make an appointment for 1:30! Totally God. I saw her appointment book at our previous appointment. After some last minute touches and filling out a form that was still needed, we were done at 1:33. She called at 1:35 thinking she wrote our apartment number down wrong (she was on the other side of the building.)

So our second meeting of our homestudy was completed. We also found out that the paper that got hung up in Georgia last time doesn't have to be done! All we have left is the remaining four physicals. Our references will be returning their forms as well. She is in the process of drafting our homestudy as she waits for these last few straggler forms.

~Stephanie

First Homestudy Appointment

Today we had our first homestudy appointment. It went smoothly and I had all of our paperwork that was requested. We still have to do our physicals. Oh and we signed a release of information for the agency to send off to Georgia to request our CPS registry check paperwork.

Afterwards, we went to the VA State Police office for fingerprinting. The picture (above) is the bottom half of my fingerprinting card. When I sent a picture to my aunt, she said "Have fun getting the ink off of your hands." I got to explain to her that it is all done electronically now. It looks like a photocopier that you put your fingers on and then another screen shows your fingerprints and says whether or not they are "acceptable." All of mine went smoothly except for 2 fingers that we did a few times.

Then they printed them onto my card and I went back into the lobby where Brandon was waiting. After a bit, they called Brandon to do his.

We went to pick up the children and then raced to Walmart to buy two $50 money orders to accompany our fingerprints for our VA background checks. Then we raced off to the adoption agency to turn them in so they can be mailed off. Our next appointment is June 8th and that is for the home visit portion of our homestudy.

Then we went to the post office (4 minutes before close!) and then the chiropractor.

After dinner, I filled out our application for the agency we are hoping to use for matching and placement.

PHEW! What a day! But it feels SO good to have everything going. Praying our paperwork comes back quickly!

~Stephanie

PS: Now I'm off to pack for the weekend!