I went to bed last night after making a Mega To Do List. To be honest, there are lots of little things that need to be done now that we are moving out of survival mode. Lightbulbs need replaced, this needs organized, that needs organized, I should go shopping for more than groceries for the next few days, we should go to the library, I have a zillion things to print for our homeschool, etc. Our house isn't filthy, just a lot of little projects have been put off.
And then I tossed and turned... until 3 am.
I was bothered and I couldn't quite figure out why. After wrestling with thoughts, I realized exactly what bothered me about my Mega To Do List.
The whole time that we were waiting to hear if Xander had brain tumors or not, my priorities were different. It is no secret that I struggle with perfection.
I've said it before. Really, I have struggled with perfection my entire life.
My four children make consistent perfection pretty far out of reach, but there are times that I really convince myself that if I just work harder, faster, more that I can reach it.
And I have in the past. Except, perfection can't be accomplished in all the areas of my life at the same time without causing me to teeter on the edge of a mental breakdown on my part. It can't be maintained long term with serious repercussions to the relationships in my life.
People matter more than things.
When we were waiting to hear about Xander, I never pushed the children away to complete all the laundry in our home. Let's face it, even if I do get it all done and put away, what happens at the next blow out diaper? Or bathtime? Or even the next morning when we wake up? We make more.
Why didn't I push the children away to finish the laundry? Because I was terrified that our life was going to change in one phone call. I wanted to soak up every single second of each child.
Now that we have good news, that desire to soak up all I can of my children shouldn't disappear. This should be a lesson that I carry with me for the rest of my life.
No matter what, my children are growing.. Their childhood is disappearing right before my very eyes. In 20 years, do I want to remember my house was perfect, my laundry hamper had nothing in it for a few short hours and my to do list was always completed?
Not really.
Or do I want to remember the feel of Solomon's little chubby arms wrapped around my neck? Do I want to remember Xander laying on the floor under a ceiling fan for close to an hour? Do I want to remember how Lainey looks at the world with an optimism that is hard to find these days? Do I want to remember having conversations with Julianne about our faith?
Yes, I want all of that.
So while I cannot completely ignore the responsibilities of keeping a home, it will not remain an idol in my life. I refuse to let it rob the joy of raising four beautiful, smart, loving children.
So Mr. Mega To Do List, you can taunt me from my unorganized desk. I'm going to make memories.
~Stephanie
1 comment:
Thank you! I needed to read this--and stop torturing myself (and my children, too honestly). My little (and not so little) ones and making memories are so much more important than having the dirty clothes hamper empty--no matter how short lived it may be.
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