Struggling with a lack of transparency...

I'm an all or nothing kind of person. And there are TWO major parts of my life that I can't openly blog about, so I struggle with sharing anything at all.

One I should be able to share soon but the other will take quite some time. Both items have kept me on my knees in prayer. Both have caused massive panic attacks and loss of sleep. Both have brought up painful experiences from my past.

I'm not who I once was. I'm stronger than I once was because I now call upon Jesus Christ in times of need and I lean upon Him for my strength. I will not disobey God even though I can't see what He is doing. It's scary for someone as uptight as me to not know what the outcomes will be. But I trust that God is good and loves me. And I know that He will never leave me.

(I'm sure this sounds like a bit of rambling without knowing the issues. As soon as I can share, I will. I just wanted to explain the sudden inactivity on my blog.)

Where I've been..

So I haven't posted in awhile... But I haven't forgotten my blog. I've had some things come up and it's just a busy season in my life. So here is what I've been up to:

• I had an allergic reaction and had to see my doctor.
• We attempted to move Solomon into the nursery.. he's still in our room. ;)
• I had to see the dermatologist to have the site where a mole was shaved off my arm checked out. I was once again told that I'm a "super healer" and it was new skin that made the lump. Apparently some mole cells were left behind and it re-pigmented in the new scar, but I do not need to worry that it is asymmetrical because the labwork from the original mole came back fine. She stuck TWO needles in the lump and injected a steroid in it so that the lump will deflate. I return in 2 months to see if I need another dose.
• I've been restocking our pantry. During the winter I really use it down (because I hate to go out in the cold.. brrr...) so in the spring I need to do quite a bit of shopping to restock.
• While I was at the dermatologists, I asked about chronic hives. I figured the allergist's suggestions weren't working so I'd go after it from a different angle. It's been a YEAR of hives folks... I've now been hive free for THREE nights in a row and haven't needed Benadryl. Oh and did you know that Zantac is a histamine blocker? I now take three medications and I'm adjusting to the new haze of drowsiness. We are blocking H1's and H2's. (different histamines.)
• I've developed allergies living here! I enjoyed two springs with no allergies... but they are back. The 3 medications I'm on should help with the sinus irritation.
• My dear friend suffered a devastating loss. She was due in June and went to the midwife for an appointment and there was no heartbeat. I visited with her and took a meal over Wednesday. She was induced and delivered him this morning. Could you pray for her?
• Xander now adds "Mama" on the end of all of his requests. It's SO cute! "Please, mama?" "More, Mama?" "Cup please, Mama?" Tonight as I was cooking supper he stood nearby repeating Mama over and over. Mamamamamamamamamama! When I looked down he smiled and when I went back to work, he started again. I'm soaking it in!
• Xander now gives the BEST hugs. He pats your back when he hugs you, priceless!
• Lainey has read four chapter books on her own: Boxcar Children, Boxcar Children #3, Ramona Quimby, Age 8, and James and the Giant Peach.
• Julianne has a sudden interest in helping around the house and she loves being read to.
• Solomon is now sitting up! Just as I told the pediatrician last month, he just needed the milestone adjusted for his gestational age. He's drinking over 32 ounces of formula a day and loves to chew on the tags of his blankets and our dinner napkins.
• I sent Xander's birthmom a lengthy update of apple picking, Thanksgiving, our Disney Trip and Christmas.
• Brandon had a day trip for work to Washington, DC. He got to rub shoulders with the upper management of the company he works for and feels super positive about what he heard and the direction of the company!
• Another friend's grandmother died and I'll be attending the funeral tomorrow afternoon.
• The majority of our homeschool curriculum was ordered and arrived after a shipping fiasco. I'm pleased with it and can't wait to get more time to look through it in more detail!
• I got bad news from back home. My brother is in jail. I pray that this is his rock bottom and that he straightens his path. I learned a long time ago, that I can't make anyone change, but myself. People have to want to change. It is what it is, but it was still awful to see his mugshot.
• I've been working on a plan for next week. Brandon's schedule changes to 3 thirteen hour shifts this coming Monday. The four days off a week will be nice, but the three days he is gone will be long. I'll need to pace myself those days and have plenty of structure.

I'll try to not wait so long between posts. I'm praying that parts of my life slow down to a more manageable pace of course...

~Stephanie