Searching for Annalise

I've been quiet on the blog... things have been very fast paced around here. I'm not complaining when I say that, I'm stating the well... obvious! And I love every single second of it. All I've ever wanted to be since I was a little girl was a wife and mother. I can't imagine my life without Brandon and each one of my special blessings.

The call to adopt again has gotten stronger and stronger in my heart. I've read until I can quote facts and statistics. I've researched until the wee hours of the morning when I can barely hold my eyes open any longer. I've looked over photolists for waiting children so much that I can tell when they change the order or someone disappears. I can pick out the faces of children that are placed on the list as new additions. I've looked at several special needs and researched resources here in the Richmond area. We have amazing resources here!

Some nights I get a handful of hours of sleep before I get up to tend to the children we already have in our home. Some nights I'm laying in bed with my eyes closed but I never drift off... I pray for our Annalise often... now we just have to find her.

My dream last night had me so disoriented when I woke up. I had to walk through the house to check on the children.

In the dream, Brandon and I were walking down a long hallway. We could hear a little girl calling for us "Mama... Daddy?" over and over. Sometimes her voice was very loud and other times it was very muffled. Brandon and I walked down this corridor trying to open doors. Some doors opened easily, but our Annalise wasn't behind the door. Some of the doors opened and revealed another corridor with more doors. Some doors were locked. Still Annalise called to us. And we became more frantic the longer she called. We started running down the hall checking doors while we called out "Annalise!!! Talk to Mama and Daddy! Hang on, we are coming!"

I started crying out to God to show us where she was and finally the right door opened but the light was so bright we couldn't see her. And then I woke up, shaking and disturbed.

Brandon and I will continue to cry out to God, asking Him to show us where we can find our Annalise. In the meantime, we continue to save and earmark funds to bring our girlie home.

We are coming,
~Steph

Yes.. the time stamp is right

It is really 2:37 am. I've been unable to sleep even with the aid of two Benadryl capsules.

My heart is heavy. Brandon and I are feeling the urge to start another homestudy. I've kind of hinted around about it on my Facebook and with some friends and the general consensus seems to be that we are nuts.

*sigh*

How do you unring a bell? How do you unhear a calling? How do you unsee a need?

I've prayed ALOT that if this isn't God's will for our family to please remove the desire from my heart. And each time the calling gets louder. I've tried to ignore God... I've tried to tell Him that right now is not a really good time for this. And each time I do, He puts someone in my path to remind me of the plight of the orphan. Or He gives me a dream at night... or someone asks about our adoption story. It's almost comical how He has reminded us. And remember when I shared that I found our homestudy after we decided to move to a bigger apartment?

Two nights ago, I asked another adoptive mom for a referral for a homeschool friendly, large family friendly social worker. We need to update our homestudy for another adoption. Well.. first we need to move but that is coming.. March 20th! I'll be making phone calls to get a feel for the social worker's thoughts on homeschooling and large families. Pray for those phone calls.

So tonight, I looked around some adoption sites I belong to. Two girlies jumped out at me. Both have special needs. Both of them are 4. Yes, I know... drop your jaw like I'm nuts. That would give us a 7 (Lainey), 4 (Annalise), almost 4 (Julianne), 10 months (Xander) and a new baby in June (Solomon). Brandon and I sent an inquiry on both of them.

And now I'm up... unable to sleep. Like a mama waiting on her child to come home from a late night.

God give me the strength to do this. Remind me of your awesome provision for Xander's adoption. Remind me how You smoothed each wrinkle and I didn't see any of them. Show me the child You've chosen for our family. Put the right people in front of me to make this happen in Your timing. And give me peace to know that this is what You desire for our family.
In Your Son's most precious name, Amen!