You win some, you lose some.. but look at the growth!

A chapter of my life closed tonight unexpectedly. I'm no longer working from home. I was completely blindsided and it was very unexpected.

It's no secret that I've had a sharp tongue in the past. It comes from years and years of having sharp tongues modeled for me. It's a product of being quick-witted. Growing up, I was the queen of getting the last word.

But it's not who I desire to be.

Here's a little of what the Bible says about it:

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. ~Proverbs 14:29

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. ~Proverbs 16:32

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. ~Proverbs 12:18

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. ~ Proverbs 21:23

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness ~Proverbs 31:26

I'm a work in progress. I'm not going to lie. There are times that my tongue (and flesh) wins. And oh boy... do I have to repent and then go right the wrong. But tonight, I handled myself with grace. All the Scriptures that I've poured over during my time of repenting, were running through my head as I formed my response. My time in the Word was fruitful.

I'm amazed at the growth. Still hurt and confused but amazed.

As far as the adoption... have no fear! When God called us to adopt again, He knew all this! And now we are on the edge of our seat, waiting to see the provision for our adoption unfold.

~Steph

Contentment... The Biggest Lesson of Our Move

And the biggest struggle of my life. For far too long, it's been engrained in me to keep striving, changing, to push through my circumstances for the next thing.

Moving here has highlighted my lifelong struggle with contentment. When we first moved here, I prayed for God to show us a clear reason for our move here. And then we started the adoption process and were matched with Xander. He was born 12 miles from our rental. DING! DING!DING! I thought.. we have our reason.

And then we did our six months of placement, our three post-placement visits with our adoption worker and his adoption was finalized on December 22.

And after thanking God for all He did in that whole process... my next thought was "So.. um.. what is next?"

I was impatiently waiting for Brandon to get a promotion, get the raise that goes along with it and move on to the next thing. Whether that means to move back to Augusta or move to another location, I'm ready... and impatient. And it stinks.

I was SO discontent, that I searched his company's job posting website on a regular basis. I googled the towns that have the same kind of offices, looked up the states homeschool laws, looked at real estate and churches and the general cost of living. I walked around our apartment and thought about "When we pack this next..." or "Maybe we won't take that next time."

I found myself going over my moving checklist I made myself last time and editing it. Since I had one long distance move under my belt, I knew better what to expect for the next time, right? I found myself looking at our savings and longing for it to reach an amount that we could move even if Brandon isn't offered help with relocation expenses.

I got antsy... and one morning, during my quiet time, when I actually prayed for "our next move in Your perfect timing" I suddenly felt convicted. I mean... I trusted God for our move here right? Yes, I did. And I trusted that He knew best when He moved us here, right? Yes, I did. So do I trust Him to leave me here until He sees fit for us to move? Do I really trust His perfect timing?

I started to stutter and stammer and got sweaty hands trying to "reason" out a correct answer. You know how that is, right? You know the answer deep in your heart but you try to find another one that is the "right" answer. The pretty answer... wrapped in a nice bow. Oh the pridefulness...

And that is when I really started looking at what it really means to be content. I wasn't quite sure what it was, I just knew that I wasn't.

I haven't been checking the company's job postings. I haven't even looked at real estate. I've been here... in the now. And focusing on what my life is right now. Right now, I live in Richmond, Virginia. Right now, I have a 6, 3, and 8 month old. Right now, I am a stay at home, homeschooling mama. Right now, my husband is in the position he is in and doing a mighty fine job at it, if I may say so myself. Right now... this is where I am. And one day, when and if God sees fit, things will change. But for now... I am right here and each day I have to actively choose to be content.