Doing the next thing...

Today we got a call from an agency we've been in contact with. The call came in a little after 8pm, which is well after I gave up hope of getting a phone call today. My hopes seem to rise and fall with each 8am and 5pm cycle. LOL

Anyway, we were told that we are one of three adoptive couples that are being presented for this adoption situation. That presentation will take place this week. I've seen pictures of this baby and he is adorable. (Aren't all babies?)

Meanwhile, another adoption agency has us in a pile to possibly be presented to another potential birthmother this week as well. I've not seen pictures of this baby but he is already born. I bet he is adorable too.

So, what's a girl to do?

N-E-S-T!

The fridge is cleaned out and the pantry is straightened. I purged some paperwork. Our laundry was complete until we put on pajamas tonight. I sorted through baby boy clothing. I played around with some travel arrangements. I started to think about what to pack. I made a grocery shopping list and a "To Finish" list.

Tomorrow we will go and get refills for prescriptions (they just happen to coincide with this), fill out paperwork for some reimbursements, and do a grocery shopping run. Then we will head to the pool to live life as a family of six. I'm not sure we are brave enough to take 5 children to the pool without any help.

We temper every hope with the fact that there is a chance we don't be picked. And this is why adoption nesting is different than pregnancy nesting. When you are pregnant you have a date to count down to-- a general idea of when baby will arrive. We don't have that.

But I ate a philly cheesesteak tonight.. just in case. You know... cravings. ;)

Would you pray for the birthparents as they make these life changing decisions? Pray that they are being supported by caring professionals and that they have peace with their decisions. Pray for the children as they are awaiting their placements. And pray for the adoptive families that are going to bed tonight, hoping.

~Steph

Resting in Him...

I've had a long night up with the Lord. I've gotten no sleep but lots of time to talk to God.

I was praying over our adoption and telling Him that I was worried about the possibility of being double matched and how I'd ever choose between two babies. (Double matching is when you network with several agencies and you are chosen for TWO situations... and then you have to pick which situation/child to go with. You may recall that the family that originally matched with Xander was double matched and went with the other situation/child giving us the opportunity to match with him.)

Our situation count was up to 5 when I went to bed last night. Five homestudies sent, only a few profiles requested so far. We've been approved 9 days today. But if there is something to be worried about-- I'm all over it. Brandon often says that he rarely worries because I do enough for both of us!

Anyway.. I was praying about it and God gave me this verse... that I've read a thousand times.

"God sets the lonely in families..." ~Psalm 68:6

So, I'm choosing to rest in His Word. He does it. We just have to be obedient and in His timing, it will happen, if it is His will for our family. He did a fabulous job setting Xander into our family and we know he was meant to be ours. I mean.. have you seen his monster face? It looks just like his Daddy's. Have you heard him laugh until he snorts? Yup.. definitely a Bee! Xander is the one child of ours that is constantly told how much he looks like his Daddy. It makes me giggle. His birthmom thinks it is hilarious too!

Then I got out of bed to start my day and found an email from a friend asking if I had seen an adoption situation posted.

So now we are up to 6.

Orthopedist Outcome...

Photo Credits

Friday we had an appointment for Lainey to have a second opinion (technically third since we saw a doc in Georgia too!) for her tippy toe walking. She is an idiopathic toe walker meaning that she walks on her toes for an unknown reason. When she was a baby, she always pushed up on tippy toes and she never outgrew it. (Many children do.)

When Lainey was younger, we did physical therapy to stretch her legs and attempt to keep her range of motion.

When she was 5, we had AFO braces made for her to keep her from going up on tippy toes and encourage a normal rolling pattern. They worked, when she was able to wear them. Unfortunately, her hands and feet perspire ALOT (hyperhidrosis) and between the moisture and her braces, it often caused blisters and skin irritations. Then she'd have to come out of the braces and she'd be right back up on her tippy toes.

When she was 6, we did a summer of serial casting. They casted her feet with her toes pulled upward to stretch her Achilles tendon, that had shortened over years of not stretching it. If you don't stretch it, it doesn't grow. She did two sets of double casts to the knee. It was a miserable summer but it had to be done. She could walk with the walking boots at the end of the casts.

Within maybe 2 weeks of coming out of the casts, she was right back up on her tippy toes. At that point we were told to remind her (as if I had not!) to stay on her flat feet and to roll her feet. We were told there was a small chance that she could have botox injections to weaken her overly active muscles. That was quickly taken off of the table and we were told our only option was surgery. But we were told that most likely the surgery would not work. So we continued to remind Lainey to roll her feet.

When we had our first appt with our family doctor, I mentioned her tippy toe walking and he encouraged me to seek a second opinion and gave me the name of another orthopedist. So that is where we had our appt this week.

This doctor had infinitely better people skills and after examining Lainey, she doesn't believe that it is the Achilles tendon that needs lengthened. She says it is the gastroc muscle (aka gastrocnemius muscle.) I asked a zillion questions and she patiently answered them.

What's the difference?

The gastroc. muscle is one that goes all the way up to your knee. When Lainey bends her knee (taking the pressure off of her gastroc muscle) she CAN bend her toes up much further than when her foot is held straight. If it was her Achilles tendon, then she wouldn't have that ability.

So what does that mean?

It means that Lainey doesn't have to have her Achilles tendon cut in half (!!!!) to lengthen it. It is a much less stressful surgery for her body to go through because it is less invasive. Dr. K seems to think that if we would have done the tendon surgery that it wouldn't have worked because that isn't the problem! Thank you Jesus for giving me the gut feeling to not go ahead with surgery with the last doctor.

Why do you have to do anything?

Well your heal doesn't widen/grow unless you put weight on it. Lainey has the same size heal as say.. Xander. Buying shoes is nearly impossible. Also, God made our joints with a specific purpose. When you start putting pressure on the wrong joints, there are consequences. Her toes/the end of her foot is starting to show issues. Also, her hips, lower back and knees are all showing issues.

So what are the details?

Lainey will have a 2-3 inch incision site on the inside of her calf. It will be day surgery in September. Dr. K doesn't see the point in ruining a summer of playing and swimming since she has waited this long. She will be casted while in surgery and will have that first set of casts taken off 4 weeks after surgery. At that point, they will decide if she needs a second set. When casting is done, she will have physical therapy to build up her muscles/reteach her how to walk properly. The length of physical therapy will depend on Lainey's cooperation and how well she recovers.

And then what?

Then we start with Julianne. Julianne has not had anything done other than the stretching because she still has the ability to sit in a W. (You know that uncomfortable position kids sit in with their legs out to the side in a W? That!) Her ligaments and such were still loose enough that our old orthopedist said there was no point in doing anything. And then in the same breath he said 5 is a major boundary as far as having this fixed. (Remember, Lainey is 8 and Julianne is 5 now.) So, Julianne has some time but we will need to address this. Julianne is a candidate for the botox injections and then serial casting. Dr. K sees no point in me having two in casts together, so we are going to prioritize Lainey since she is getting further from the ideal therapeutic window. Then Julianne will do hers. And guess what.. not the tendon again... It's the gastroc. muscle causing hers too. If botox/casting doesn't work, then we will have to have the same surgery for Julianne.

Thank you for the prayers! We appreciate each and every prayer said on our behalf..

~Steph

FAQ's Part 1

So the current count of adoption situations that we've sent our homestudy to is (drumroll please!)

3

We have only been homestudy approved since Friday. Networking has been going fast and furious. We haven't heard back on any of the situations. All three of the situations are for boys with special needs, ranging from 3 days old to 6 months old. All three have different special needs-- one is very similar to our Xander.

Our children do not know about them. It's taking sending text messages/emails/facebook chats and talking in code and whispering after they have gone to bed. I know how much I looked forward to events in my life as a child and I can't imagine burdening our children with an unknown timeframe at their young ages. We could wait years. They know we are praying for a new baby and that we started the process to adopt but they don't know much beyond that.

While God could call us to an international adoption, the original situation we were asked to re-consider doesn't appear to be for us. The country is very unstable and very, very expensive. There is some discussion over whether or not we are technically even eligible to adopt from said country. So we are going to pass. We have however sent a few inquiries in about other international programs. (I'm not sure I'm allowed to name countries so I'm taking the safe road.)

I'm going to start doing a little FAQ's section because we seem to be getting the same questions a lot. Here are the questions that I've gotten quite a bit in the past few days.

Will you have to travel and what will your Fab Four do? Where will they go? Or will they travel with you?

Have no fear, we didn't forget about the Fab Four! My aunt has graciously said that she will drive up from Georgia and is pretty much living on standby (just like we are!) My children LOVE her to death, playfully argue over who's she is (the correct answer is MAMA!) and she really has a grandmotherly role in their lives. You may remember that she was on standby when I was pregnant with Solomon and she came to help hold down the fort when I was put on bedrest. In fact, when Xander was still in the hospital and the girls weren't allowed in the nursery and Brandon had to travel for work, she met me half way to take the girls down to Georgia until Brandon got back in town. And the children went down so Brandon and I could have our Anniversary Getaway. She's fabulous! Everyone should have an Auntie Karon! We have a support system here in Richmond too.. so if for some crazy reason we have to leave before Auntie Karon can get all the way here, we have a few friends lined up to tide us over in a short term way.

How long will you be gone?

This really just depends. When you adopt out of state, there is paperwork that must be filed called the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC.) It is a contract between the states that controls the lawful movement of children for the purpose of adoption. (Thank you adoption.com- I was having trouble coming up with a concise definition!) Both states have to agree to it before we can leave whatever state our child is born in. It usually takes 7-10 days but the baby has to be discharged from the hospital before it can be started. Only one parent has to stay. Of course, Brandon and I would ideally like to stay together, but it is just another thing we have to play by ear. If our child is born here in Richmond, there would be no overnight travel away. We would spend time with the birthparents if they'd choose to want to spend time with us and we'd spend time getting to know the baby. Again, we'd have to play it by ear.

How do you decide what situations to send your homestudy to?

I briefly mentioned that I consider this the hardest part of adoption. And honestly, we don't have a "system" really. We look over the limited amount of information that we can see and we pray. A lot of very specific information is only shared with the adoptive parents after they match. At that point we could accept or reject the match. Brandon and I have researched a lot of special needs briefly, so sometimes we look deeper into the special need to refresh our memories. We have had a lot of lengthy discussions about what strengths we have as a family and as a couple as well as what resources are available here in Richmond. Part of our homestudy interviewing was to help us think through these things. We have passed over some situations, for instance, the first one this time.

This whole match process is kind of new to us. Sure, we matched and adopted before. During our first adoption, we sent our homestudy to four situations very quickly after we were approved. One we never heard back from. One the sibling set had matched right before our homestudy got there after we had a minor snafu on the paperwork being sent. And the third, we were told after we sent our homestudy that they were looking to keep the little girl in the immediate area (on the other side of the country.) The fourth time, we sent our homestudy in to try to match with a baby girl due in May and we got a call a few days later asking if we would consider a baby boy, who was one week old. That was our Xander! It was fast and simple. We prayed and obeyed and before we knew it we were matched.

I'm not expecting this process to go as quickly but I have no doubts that God can do it just that quickly again, if it is His will.

What preparations have you made for a new baby?

Babies in the Bee Household start out in Mama and Daddy's room. Part of it is because that is what we feel comfortable with. Part of our reason is because all of our children share rooms and it is easier for an adult to fall back asleep than a child. And in adoption, part of it is because we do everything we can to help bond us faster. Answering needs immediately is one way for your baby to bond to you better. We can answer more immediately, if the baby is closer to us. We haven't set up the baby's bed in our room yet. We have washed the carseats, rearranged the carseats, sorted clothes (both boys and girls clothing) and picked out first names. We have some middle names being tossed around, but for some reason we can't quite settle. I wonder if it is because the birthparents have names that they are going to ask us to use. Either way, we'll have a baby with a name and right now we are in no rush. Oh and I've nested like a crazy woman.. several times.

If you have any other questions, leave them in the comment section and I'll do another FAQ's post. We appreciate all of your prayers!

Speaking of prayers, we have an appointment at 10:15am for a second opinion for Lainey's feet. Would your pray for wisdom for the new (to us) doctor? Would you pray that Brandon and I make wise decisions while advocating for Lainey's best? And would you pray for Lainey's emotions/mental health as we walk down this road again? I'll fill you in when I get home and settled...

~Steph

PS: The spacing on blogger is driving me nuts. ;) Absolutely nuts!

A Small Update..

Brandon and I have sent our homestudy paperwork to an agency that places children with special needs.

We have also sent it to the agency that we worked with for Xander's adoption.

Monday, we were contacted by an international agency asking if we were by chance, interested in a little one that we inquired about in December. We've sent them some questions and they are waiting for word back from their in-country folks. This is a little scary for Brandon and I. It is the most expensive path and we have never walked the international road. I have several friends that have (or are currently) walking this road that I've soaked up information from. I guess I'm most scared we will start this process and it wouldn't work out for some reason.

So right now, we are standing before three paths. We are praying fervently for direction. Would you pray for us too? Would you pray that the path is clear?

PS: I had a very bad allergic reaction last night and ended up in the ER. Would you also pray for wisdom for my doctors as they try to come up with a gameplan?

Father's Day and the Biggest Roadblock to my Faith..

I asked Christ into my heart as a teenager but my faith never blossomed and I never grew. I was a baby Christian and very trapped. And it took me YEARS to break free.

I was trapped in a cycle. And I want to share this with you to prevent others from being trapped or other parents trapping their own children.

The scenario usually went like this:

Try really hard to be a good Christian----> Fall very, very short ---> Hide from God.

Then eventually, I'd try again, fearful that God wouldn't accept me anyway, and it always ended with falling short and hiding from God.

It took me years and years to first realize that I never could really hide from God. But that post is for another day.

I was finally set free, when I heard a sermon explaining the unconditional love of God and what that truly means. It was a foreign concept to me. You mean, I can fall short.. and I'm still loved? I can stray, come back, repent, and He'll still welcome me with open arms?

The answer, friends, is Y-E-S!

Some of you are probably saying "Really, Stephanie? You had no concept of unconditional love?"

And the answer is sadly "Yes, I had no idea. I had never been shown unconditional love.. not even human unconditional love." (Because I realize that humans are NOT perfect like God.)

I do not know my biological father. I've begged and pleaded with my mother for the information and never been told. Doctors have pressed me for health information for my biological children (and some of their health issues) and I've NEVER been able to answer any of it.

I've had two step-dads and while each one tried to convince me that they loved me and they'd always be there for me, neither of them are. The man that was my "Daddy" for 13 years, turned his back and walked away when he and my mother were divorced-- even after he promised he'd always be my daddy. Unconditional love wasn't there.

My mother only shows me love when she is in complete control of my life and when she thinks I make her look good. And that hasn't happened since well before I was 17 years old... before she kicked me out on Mother's Day 2001.

So yes, really, I had NO IDEA what unconditional love truly looked like. Once that was explained, my faith grew in leaps and bounds and then I experienced love from my husband, Brandon. He loves me as unconditionally as a human being can.

If you don't understand that God loves you unconditionally, you can't grow in a relationship with Him. God loves me with my faults, my hurts, my weaknesses, my past. He loves ME, no matter what.. sins and all. God is love! He loved me so much, He gave His only Son! For ME!

Don't you dare pity me, I have a perfect Father!!!!

So now you are probably thinking "What does this have to do with Father's Day?"

To my friends that have children: help your children understand God's unconditional love for them, by showing your children unconditional love. Show your children unconditional love by showing your spouse unconditional love. (I'm obviously not talking about cases with abuse.) I'm talking about commitment here. I know you are human and not perfect like God, but try. Don't stunt your child's spiritual growth. God's love is a foundation to your child's faith! It will do a wonder for their faith and understanding of God and His love.

I'm moved to tears thinking about Brandon loving our babies unconditionally. He loves them when they frustrate him, he loves them when they are stubborn, he loves them when they are good, he loves them when they are disobedient, he loves them when they are funny and crazy and everything in between. He loves my child from a previous marriage, he loves our biological children, he loves our adopted child. He loves the girls, he loves the boys. He loves the ones he has a ton in common with and the ones that he struggles to find common ground with. My children have NO DOUBT that their Daddy loves them-- and this makes it so.much.easier. to teach them that their Father loves them too. I'm blessed to parent our four with Brandon!

To all my friends: Know that God loves YOU unconditionally! He does!

~Steph

PS: DeLainey's adoption was final June 3, 2011. She is over the moon excited to legally have Brandon's last name although she has used it informally for quite some time, by choice. It hasn't changed anything in our day to day life and she still isn't quite sure what the big deal is since this is all she knows, but it has brought an amazing amount of peace to my heart. It has been a very special Father's Day here at the Bee House!

A-P-P-R-O-V-E-D!!!

I got a call this morning asking for two more minor details. Our homestudy will be edited to reflect that and then we are D-O-N-E!

Our homestudy will be faxed to our other agency today... :)

And now the wait begins!